#can not believe people chose al over him...

[ashstfu]

gnawing at the bars of my enclosure etc

[fluideli123]

I've watched the DP&W movie twice in theaters and three plus times on a pirated site, and I wanted to grant my analysis on Wade and Logan's relationship that not only respects Vanessa--because Vanessa was literally Wade's Soulmate until shit hit the fan and you can pry that fact from my cold dead hands. But also explains how Logan and Wade actually represent a a-spec experience and relationship that I feel like no one has really gotten into. Am I saying they're a-spec? No. But that doesn't mean queer relationships that are fairly normal in a-spec spaces doesn't mean they don't exist outside of them as well.

First of all, the only two reasons I believe Vanessa and Wade broke up was 1) Wade went back in time to save Vanessa and he told her after his usual routine of jokes and lies and 2) Wade finally believed he could be something more, a hero, only to be turned down by the people who are known for their heroism, leaving him lost.

I genuinely believe Vanessa had a hard time taking in that knowledge, but knowing Wade and everything they've been through she would get through that like the badass she is and work through it using her plans A-Z, as she always does. But I think to really stop that woman from continuing to start a family with Wade like she wanted to in Deadpool 2, is if Wade was no longer within the right mindset to do so.

Deadpool 1 introduced Wade as someone who believed he was a bad guy who got paid to fuck up worse guys, he refused the term hero, and the moment he even tried to reach for something selfless. An act that would hopefully spare Vanessa from the pain of cancer, it all got fucked up and he got turned into a monster. Someone he deemed even lesser than he was before. So far gone and completely removed from what he was loved for (his looks and personality, but how could his personality stand alone when he looked so ugly? As ugly as he always felt on the inside?)

So he turned to what he's always known: Tracking people down and making them pay. In his mind this only confirms that he's a monster, he isn't deserving of Vanessa, of anyone. Which is why he finds comfort in Blind Al, a woman who will only have to deal with his personality and not be able to see how ugly he actually is. Symbolism for showing only half of himself and not him in his entirety (not that he can hide it from her, she's too wise, knowledgeable, caring, and knows Wade better than he knows himself at this point.)

Eventually, he finishes his hunt and is still loved despite what had transpired. Vanessa still chose him, still loved him. So maybe despite how ugly he is, he can still be loved. This grounded him, solidified his self worth, have him such stability that he had a thriving relationship with Vanessa that they were SO ready to start a family, aspired to live that dream. Another act of selfishness. Only to, once again, be met by pain. Get his dream taken away, once again resorting to what he knows: revenge.

Wade wants to be a hero? He gets forcefully mutated. Wade wants a family? Vanessa gets killed. Both are immediately solved by death, but that self-loathing and sickening hatred towards himself do nothing to cure that same confirmation he had once thought he got over: That he wasn't a monster, he could be loved, be something else.

So of course Vanessa is who, even in death, looks him in the eyes and tells him he cares, he has always cared. He cares so deeply about the people in his life he meets who unconditionally love him for him as time passes, despite all his flaws.

Wade wants to be a hero? Colossus believes he can be. Wade wants to save the 13-year-old abused kid? Vanessa knows he can. He saves lives by sacrificing himself. He scarified his comfort to show Vanessa the full truth of his ugliness, he sacrificed his life for Russel to give him a better life. Maybe he isn't a complete monster, maybe he can believe again. He can be selfish, he can be reckless. So he goes back and saves more people. Heroes do that. They save the people they love. You don't hold the whole world on your shoulders, no, like Miles learned in ATSV you think of one person of the few people you want to fight against the world to protect. And he did just that.

With Vanessa back and a big family he can finally chase after what he wasn't meant for. Because it's only happened twice, it wouldn't happen again-

Rejection. He can't be a hero because people don't need him. He is the needy one, the one who wants to be needed, needs to be wanted. So, it's the crash. The final straw. He breaks. He breaks so hard because what the fuck is the point to trying if every time he is met with failure? Rejection? Pain? Loss? He becomes so stuck in figuring this all out he neglects his relationship with Vanessa, causing issues. They go separate ways, but still so close, because you don't just lose your best friend like that, even if you're no longer partners. They're always meant to be together one way or another.

So you have this broken man who is searching for purpose, years later still harboring this tiny flicker of hope that he can be greater. He can be great. He can be a hero.

His world is in trouble, he doesn't think twice saving it. He accepts he isn't perfect for this, not like all the big guys back in Avengers headquarters, but he can't let his loved ones die because of someone he's had a vendetta against the last two movies.

He literally fights and fights and fights to find someone to help him, Wade can't save who he loves he has to find someone else you can, anyone else.

Than a broken, desperate man walks into a bar to see another broken man who has since long given up.

The thing about Logan and Wade is that they don't need words. Wade blew himself up in order to die in the second movie, Logan drinks himself away, both knowing they can't die no matter how much they want to. How much they believe they deserve it.

So Wade sees a Wolverine who has potential, who hasn't hurt him (unlike the others, he gets hurt so much, guys) and places his faith in him without hesitation. From that moment on he has never truly doubted Logan's abilities nor his heroism, because he knew his Logan and if his world was anchored by a Logan than all Logan's are built with something he isn't. They're made to be heroes, made to be important. Yeah, they fight, but I strongly believe that's how two broken men say everything words can't possibly describe.

I mean what words could describe the way they go all out on each other, knowing the other can't die, the way Wade looks up at him, not wanting to regrow his entire body because he needs to save his world and understands Logan and has to decide to say something that'll convince him to help. Wade doesn't know if stopping the machine will completely save his world or if a new Logan will patch it up too, it's his own educated wish he passes onto Logan. Because just like Russel, he cares. He understands. He wants to help.

It's that faith, hope, and resistance and face of humor despite it all that causes Logan to stick by that dumb asses side. He lost everything, he is seeing someone like himself before he stumbled home drunk from the bar to find everyone dead. Someone who is capable of doing something he wasn't able to. He wants to help, more and more for Wade and less himself, a silent journey of healing following Wades steps everywhere they stumble into.

Because Logan was just drunk at a bar before being told he was needed to save a world, told he was the worst before being offered help anyone, getting praised over his capabilities, and than told again and again how he is able to be someone he never thought he could be. Much like Wade was and is.

Logan sees it. Wade most likely ignores it, much like anything else. He isn't very open with anyone other than Vanessa as we've learned.

So just- of course Wolverine is the honest one, of course he hits low, he sees himself and Wade and wants to hurt him. Wade wants to hurt him back, but only when he's directly attacked by his words and threats, a way of not taking shit. Logan took shit from the world and than didn't from Wade and his emotional rollercoster right. And I think without whatever happened in that Honda Odyssey things wouldn't have been the same. They needed that fight, that release, that hatred from themselves to burst into the form of someone else who could take it just as much as the other could.

Logan listens to Wade's home at the borderlands. Logan is given kindness and tough love. Logan joins. Logan begins to understand how most linger by Wade's side despite everything. He sees why. He's a force, he doesn't give up, he doesn't quit, not for others. It grants strength, though imperfect and messy.

Logan believes Wade deserves better. So he plans on sacrificing himself only for Wade to once again show how much of a Hero he wants to be and could be. Only for those two idiots to hold hands to madona and come to a mutual understanding and comfort that has Wade making room for Logan in his and Al's apartment.

And there is something so inherently a-spec about not being explicitly sexual with each other, having an understanding that goes beyond direct words and full truths. They they can hurt one another and it feels so good, so wanted and cherished. How they support one another by being fucked up and sloppy. They're wrecks and they help the other heal, do what they're too afraid to do.

What is more a-spec than two people looking at each other with adoration and trust? To be two people who cannot be placed within a single both because their relationship and meaning to one another isn't so neatly cut and within expectations? To love in a way that blood and standing side by side is a comfort? A steadying point in which everything becomes clearer with time?

They make me so fucking sick, they make me so FUCKING SICK.

[ladykailitha]

Share With Me One Love, One Lifetime Part 6

Alas to make the plot move forward, Max is still bait, though it galls me to the bone. But they didn't know they had back up coming, so they chose to act fast rather than wait.

In this we have the RV, War Zone, and Weathertop scenes. And I give Vickie the shiny backbone she should have had all along.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

~

When Eddie saw the mask he cackled with glee and Max grinned back at him. He pulled the mask over his head and went sneaking around the Trailer Park, Wayne playing distraction to the neighbors they were about to rip off.

Eddie opened the back window of the RV and slipped inside, the rest of the merry crew scrambling behind him. He went straight for the cockpit and slid into driver’s seat, Steve hot on his heels.

He pulled out the wire cutters from the toolkit he had borrowed from Max and began yanking on the wires under the steering column.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” Steve asked gently. He knew Eddie didn’t like talking about his dad.

“Well,” Eddie said with a grimace, “while the other dads were teaching their kids how to fish or catch, my old man was teaching me how to hot-wire.”

He stripped the wires furiously. “I swore I wouldn’t end up like him, but here I am wanted for murder and soon to be grand theft auto.”

He grabbed the two exposed wires and started tapping them together. “So I’m really living up to that Munson name.”

Steve smacked his arm. “The only Munson name I care about is Eddie and Wayne, Al can go fuck himself.”

Eddie looked up at Steve through his eyelashes and blushed. “Thanks.”

Robin came up behind Steve and gently put her hands on his shoulders. “Eddie, I’m not sure I’m a fan of you driving this thing.”

“Oh,” Eddie said with a grin, “I’m just getting this baby started, Steve’s got her. Don’cha, big boy?” He kissed Steve’s cheek causing him to blush furiously.

Then the engine roared to life. “If you’ll open the door to let Wayne in, please?” he told Robin as he and Steve swapped seats.

Robin hurried to open the door and then slammed it closed behind him as Steve and the kids shouted at each other.

Then as Steve hit the accelerator, the owners finally cottoned on to the fact that their RV was being stolen and started banging on the door to be let in.

Dustin looked out the back window. “They look really pissed.”

“Well,” Robin said with a grimace, “it’s not every day that your house and car gets stolen at the same time.”

~

Steve was pulling on boots when he spotted Robin looking at someone from across the aisle. A certain red-headed clarinet player.

“You going to talk to her?” he asked gently. “Because there she is.”

Then a guy came up and kissed Vickie on the cheek and Robin froze. Then Vickie made eye contact with Robin. There was a brief fight between Vickie and Dan and suddenly Vickie was striding across the aisle to Robin.

“Hey, Robin,” she said with a soft smile. “Are you okay? I know you and Eddie got along when he was in band.”

“Oh, yeah,” Robin stammered. “I’m, I’m uh, yeah, okay. Thanks.”

Beside her, Steve rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we’re really broken up about it.”

Vickie jumped as if seeing Steve for the first time. “Oh! My god Steve! Yeah, you two were really close, you must being feeling awful about the whole thing.”

“He didn’t do it,” he bit out through his clenched teeth. “He doesn’t have it in him to be violent. Not like that.”

She cocked her head to the side and nodded. “I get that. He was always nice to me, so it’s a little hard to believe he murdered Chrissy, let alone Fred and Patrick too. But after that town meeting, I worry people will try something stupid.”

Nancy came up and grabbed Steve’s arm. “Look, we’ve got to go. I just ran into Jason and he was buying a gun.”

Vickie waved her hand in front of her. “Case in point.”

Nancy eyed her up and down, then nodded. “She’ll do.”

Vickie raised her eyebrow. “She’ll do what, exactly?”

“We’re trying to stop the real killer,” Robin hastened to explain. “Only adults won’t believe us that it’s a guy who was supposed to have died in the ‘50s and the one that does believe us, really can’t do anything but help us buy weapons and supplies.”

Vickie glanced at all of them looking like they were going to war. “You’re on.”

Nancy nodded. The three of them followed her to the cash registers where Erica and Wayne were waiting.

They quickly made their purchases while Wayne only gave Vickie a raised eyebrow. They all piled into the RV as quickly as possible, Steve sliding into the driver’s seat. Erica threw a bag of stuff at Eddie, who grinned as he pulled out the combat boots and the bullet belt.

“Everyone this is Vickie,” Robin said brightly. “She gonna help us defeat Vecna!”

Before anyone could argue, Steve slammed into gear and gunned it out of the parking lot.

Jason stood at the doors to War Zone and watched as the RV roared out of the lot, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

~

When they got to Weathertop, Marty, Janice, Brian, Jeff, and Gareth were there. They all brought their own weapons. There were crowbars, tire irons, baseball bats, and in Gareth’s case a cricket bat.

Nancy pulled out a hand saw and was about to start sawing off the barrel her shotgun when Vickie came over and put her hand out.

“Unless your goal is to spread out the pellets from the shell,” she murmured, nodding to the shot gun. “I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless you’re going in by yourself.”

Nancy and Max looked up at her in shock. “What do you mean?” Nancy asked, preparing to start sawing anyway.

“You mean other than the fact it’s illegal?” Vickie asked with a sly smile.

“It is?” Max said, brightly. “That’s so cool.”

“It’s technically a felony,” Nancy said with a half shrug. “But the bad guys are supernatural assholes with an aversion to fire.”

“Yes,” Vickie said, nodding. “So I’ve been told. But if that buck shot scatters and there people you like in the vicinity they’re gonna get hit, too.” She nodded to the gun again. “Which is exactly what sawing off the barrel is gonna do.”

Nancy looked down at the shotgun and then back up at Vickie. “Then what would you suggest?”

Vickie handed over a small olive green pouch. “That is a flare gun. I found it in one of the cupboards in the RV. It fires a white hot flare, usually into the air, but can be aimed at other things.”

Nancy took the bag from her gingerly and set it on her lap. “Like say an otherworldly being that’s immune to bullets?” she said softly, running her fingers over the zipper.

“The very like!” Vickie said brightly. “And I’ll just take that to use against the more human monsters, shall I?” She held out her hand for the shotgun.

Nancy tossed her the shotgun. “You know how to fire that thing?”

Vickie’s cheeks dimpled and she winked. She looked around and then spotted exactly what she needed. She walked up to where the Sinclairs were making their spears.

“Hey,” she said, her green eyes twinkling with mischief, “you done with that Tab can?”

Lucas looked down at the can at his feet and then back up at her. “Yeah, I guess.” He picked it up and handed it to her.

She set it on a rock and then marked off the distance with her steps. She looked over at Nancy and said, “You might want to plug your ears for this.”

Max put her headphones on and Nancy used her fingers. The others scrambled to follow suit when they saw Vickie standing there with the shotgun aimed at the ground.

Vickie quickly loaded the gun and sighted her target. Then from one breath to the other she fired her shot.

BLAM!

Robin started pawing at Steve’s coat. “Shit, Steve. That was so fucking hot.”

Vickie walked up to the rock and picked up the soda can. Or rather what was left of it. She lifted it up to show it to Nancy.

“I know enough.”

Nancy’s eyebrows shot up. “Yeah, okay. Where did you learn to do that?” She jutted her chin to the mangled metal of the soda can.

“My dad wanted sons,” Vickie said with a shrug. “He got three daughters instead. So he took us camping, hunting, and fishing. I shot my first deer when I was ten. Dad had to finish it off because my shot went a little wide, but it was considered my first kill.”

Nancy thought back to Jonathan and his father forcing him to kill the rabbit and really hoped he was okay.

“Welcome to the party,” Nancy said.

All round them everyone was getting ready for war and Steve and Robin had just finished the last of the Molotov cocktails, when Wayne pulled up a seat next to them.

He nodded to Steve’s sides. “You gonna be okay, fighting with you being all stitched up?”

Steve let out a low sigh. “Probably not, but I’m not going alone. I’ve Nancy, Robin, Jeff, and Marty. Like I’d have to really fuck shit up, not kick Vecna’s ass with those guys at my side.”

Wayne cocked his head to the side. “I would preferred actual fucking adults, but I get why you lot don’t trust anyone who hasn’t faced the Upside Down personally.”

Robin snorted. “They either think we’re crazy or just dumb kids. Sometimes even both!” She spread out her arms to emphasize her point.

Wayne nodded. “It never sat right with me, Joyce leaving town. Even with me in the know. And with no one answering their phone, it leaves me feeling mighty anxious.”

“Yeah,” Steve said with a shuddering breath. “We’re spread so thin now and I can’t help but worry that Vecna is after El, powers or no and he doesn’t seem like the type to take no for an answer.”

Wayne snorted and shook his head. “Never change, Steve Harrington.” He gave Steve’s shoulder a squeeze and stood up. “Never change.”

Steve grinned up at him. “I don’t plan on it!”

~

Steve flipped into the Upside Down as nimbly as a gymnast and then looked up at the crowd watching him, with crooked grin and a shrug.

“Does he expect us to clap?” Robin snarked, rolling her eyes.

“Boy,” Wayne growled, “you bust open those stitches and I bust your ass, you hear me?”

Steve just saluted and went to go get the mattress.

Eddie sniffed dejectedly. “Well I thought it was hot.”

Robin and Nancy shared a glance and then Nancy shook her head.

“Boys.”

Eddie was next and he flopped on the mattress with a broad smile. “That was fun!” He clasped Steve’s hand and let the other man pull him up.

“Thanks Stevie!” he said brightly.

Then came down rest of the crew. Only Wayne, Max, Lucas, Erica, and Gareth were staying behind. That sounded like a lot. But when everyone else was Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jeff, Brian, Marty, Janice, Dustin, Vickie, and Eddie.

Gareth was staying with the bait crew because of his hand, and Wayne wasn’t going to let a bunch of kids all sixteen and under be bait by themselves.

Vickie, Marty, and Jeff were going with Steve, Robin, and Nancy to attack the physical form of Vecna.

And finally Eddie, Dustin, Brian, and Janice were on distraction duty.

Everyone got to work shoring up the trailer for the distraction crew to bail into and escape out the Forest Hills gate.

They covered it in chain link fencing, metal sheets, and stuffed the vents with towels and blankets. Once Steve was satisfied that it was as safe as the Upside Down could be, the ten of them said their goodbyes.

Steve and Eddie stood in the middle of all their friends with their foreheads pressed together.

“Come back to me, Eds,” Steve breathed. “I don’t think I can make it without you.”

“I promise, Stevie,” Eddie murmured back, his eyes filling with tears. “I love you so much.”

“Running isn’t cowardly,” Steve said, looking deep into his eyes. “Not if it saves your life.”

Eddie kissed him fiercely and then nodded, stepping back.

The killing crew started walking off when Eddie called out, “Steve!”

Steve stopped and looked back.

“Make him pay,” he bit out. “For Chrissy.”

Steve nodded solemnly and then turned back with the rest of them. The six teenagers walked toward the part of town that held the Creel House.

Eddie turned to his crew. “You guys ready to rock?”

Janice held the microphone and Brian held up his bass.

“Damn straight we are!” Brian growled. “Let’s show these fuckers that no one messes with Hawkins. Not while we’re here!”

Janice nodded. “Let’s give these monsters a taste of what metal is really like!”

“Hell yeah!” Dustin cheered.

~

Part 7 Part 8

Tag List: SIX SLOTS REMAINING

1- @itsall-taken @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @irregular-child @cryptid-system @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @beelze-the-bubkiss @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006

5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @themoonagainstmers

9- @steddieislife @chaotic-waffle @strangerfolks @easilyobsessedwithanything

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Headcanon - Backstory AU

Contains mentions of chaotic cannibal nonsense and child harm

--------------

Against all odds, Alastor is good with small children.

Rosie has brought one of her nieces to the hotel with her, and is passing her around. She’s Aunty Rosie to all her citizens, so when one of the hellborns inevitably ends up with an infant, she always gets a chance to love on the little thing. She has eviscerated people for looking at her niblings wrong before.

Vaggie and Charlie are delighted at the little thing, even though it has a Lot and I mean a Lot of teeth. This little darling was a surprise for the cannibal couple that had her, but Lucifer drops in the idea that perhaps it was all the angelic meat they’d consumed. Angel blood, even low tier like the exorcists, did carry the spark of Life and Creation… much the same as Sinners were made of Death and Destruction. 

“Would explain the poor dear’s terrible morning sickness. And afternoon sickness.” Rosie muses.

The King is concerned, Sinners should not be popping out children like that. It could put those little things in danger… knowing what vile creatures some of his citizens were. Didn’t stop him from cooing over something small and sweet and demonic, like his little Charlie once was and, let’s be real, he still saw her as. What a squishy little thing!

He used his feathers to tickle her, not bothered in the least when the baby yanked a few out. He jokes to Charlie that she nearly took a wing right off when she got her strength in!

Vaggie seems hesitant, likely the exorcists didn't spend much time around the children in heaven. She holds the infant like a bomb about to go off. Charlie isn’t much better.

“Hmm, we can try that again in a moment, dears, I will need to feed her now.” Rosie interjects, and pauses, “Actually Al, could you do it? My wrist is still scabbed over from this morning’s feed… but her parents need a break, so who am I to complain?” she laughs. 

Vaggie stiffens as the baby goes to Al. 

“Oh relax Vagatha, little Mira here will be just fine.” He hums, shoving up a sleeve and using a claw to create a rather alarming cut. Charlie goes green.

“Okay, hold on, you can’t give a baby blo-...” she launches forwards as the infant latches her sharp little teeth onto Alastor’s wrist, thoroughly supported by the Overlord’s other arm, even the head postured correctly. Lucifer himself, though sceptical, puts a stop to that action with a hand on Charlie’s arm.

“Honey, the little ball of violent joy is a cannibal… even if we could find infant formula in this Ring, it wouldn’t do much good. At least this way anyone in the town can feed her. Still… I get it’s freaky to watch.” 

Angel chose that moment to walk in, and freeze. “Okay, is this a congratulations thing or one’a those situations where we’re hand-rearing our dinner, cause I have no idea what is happening here?”

Two Overlords glared at Angel, and he cowered back. 

“Okay, okay, congrats on the weird vampire baby that… actually, rewind, where did we get a baby in this place? Thought no one could y’know, Make Life in this Pit.” 

“Well, his Lowness has an idea that this and several other concerning developments around Cannibal town, are likely due to the angelic meat from the extermination. Other than that, we’re rather as surprised as you are… but do come over and meet little Miranda-Claire at your leisure.”

“That’s a weird-ass name, but she’s sorta cute.” Angel responds, getting closer. He hasn’t been in the room with a baby since he was alive, there was always one at a family gathering, it was a big Familia.

 

“I’m given to understand that is the compromise reached with the parents, when they were initially adamant about calling her ‘Miracle’. Although,” Alastor paused, thinking it over, “I do believe they got one over on you Rosie. Mira-Claire is close enough, wouldn’t you say?”

“Oh those foolish cannibals of mine…” sighed Rosie, recognising the play. “I just thought being called Miracle in a place like this wouldn’t be too great at keeping her safe, but… well, my darlings have their own minds at the end of the day, and they make their choices.”

“Wait, back up, did you say there are others expecting in your town?” Lucifer clarifies, his fingers tapping out a panicked message to Belphegor in the group text, seeking medical opinions on this whole shitshow. Ozzie was sending a number of emojis back that implied the sin was intrigued about how the cannibals had made the children, but not… in the way Lucifer was academically curious.

“Indeed, quite a few! Several are rather confused about it, as they have no idea how it happened, like dear Stabitha who only courts other cannibettes, and dear young Goreson, whose wife is understandably confused.” Rosie pauses, her whole body suddenly trembling with malicious glee as she turns to Alastor. His ears twitch in horrified anticipation as her grin went nearly as wide as his own. “And you’d never believe it but… guess who’s expecting?!”

“...NO!”

“YES! And she’s insufferably smug about it too!”

“Ah, perhaps dear Charlotte has been let off the hook, because whatever Susan is carrying MUST be the antichrist… there’s no other explanation.” 

“Exactly!” Rosie dissolves into cackles, and Alastor joins in. 

“BUT SHE’S ANCIENT?!” Charlie shouts, eyes wide and unfocused as she tried to picture an expecting Susan. She can’t bring herself to think the word ‘pregnant’ in the same general vicinity of the woman… even if Susan had been the lynchpin for the whole Extermination support situation. 

“Age is such an oddly fickle thing here, Charlotte, you know that. Why, anyone would assume you were in your twenties to look at you, but chronologically… I expect that you are older than everyone here, save the little majesty over there.”

“Oh yeah. Fair!”

Mira begins to fuss and pulls away to make a frustrated gurgling sound. 

Rosie expertly takes her and flips her about to pat firmly on her small back until the little creature burped. Niffty appearing with a bundle of clothing to change the child into and bouncing up and down in frantic excitement. 

“Can I make her clean? Can I? Can I? Can I?”

“Well, darling, if you do it over here where we can help you if you need it. I understand you haven’t spent much time with little ones…” 

“And freaky-face has? Hah!” Angel laughs, flippantly as he follows Niffty to the conjured blanket on the floor to clean up the child. “Betcha the last time you saw an infant it was sauteed or some shit.”

Vaggie can’t help but laugh, trying to turn it into a cough at the last moment.

Charlie looks aghast at the statement, but with a hint of suspicion there just long enough that Rosie’s expression fell. First hurt, then a snarl.

“Because all cannibals like to eat infants, is that right my poorly mannered fellow?” 

“Oh, er… well, I mean…”

“He didn’t mean it like that, Sovereign Rosie.” Vaggie added, not looking Rosie in the eyes. “It’s just that Alastor does freaky shit all the time, and he teases us, so…”

“Yeah, it ain’t that serious! Just joking, like the time I offered to suck his d-...” Angel interjects, and is cut off by the baby beginning to wail. “Oh, yeah, kid-friendly language. When I offered to-...”

“Enough.” Her voice was everywhere as the room went dark, and people’s bodies locked up. Without looking, Rosie felt her friend shift away into shadows, she could taste the hurt in the tang of his blood. Her powers holding everyone not of royal descent in a momentary pause. She sighs, upset at this breach of etiquette, and released them. “Do forgive me that slip of decorum, my dears, but perhaps watch your tongues before I find a reason to use them for seasoning. Hmmm?” 

“Okay, okay promise not to make baby rib jokes at Smiles or the other cannibals. Got it.” Angel placates. He’s already handled one pissed off overlord today, didn’t want to make it three. “Say, where’s he gone?”

“Ran off like a startled deer, I bet.” Lucifer preens, and feels the hair on the back of his neck rise as Overlord Rosie levels her eyeless gaze at him. She couldn’t hurt him… right? Asking for a friend.

Husk rolls his eyes. “Wouldn’t go poking that bear, if I were you, your Majesty. Boss is a nightmare made flesh when he wants to be and all but he’s weirdly good with kids… specially small ones like her. Happens when you’re the oldest, I guess, you get used to it. I sure had to… not like you can return the little buggers when they’re out.”

Rosie burst into laughter. “Not with that attitude, you can’t!”

“Oh, er, and would any of those hypothetical evil not-deer siblings be down here…?” Lucifer’s thousand yard stare spoke of his internal horror at the idea of multiple Alastors running amuck in his domain. One was enough, thanks. 

“Nah, well, not sure. They make a big fuss on earth about how unbaptised babies are sinners and would go to hell and all. Is that bit true or just some fucked up shit someone decided to put into doctrine?” Husk asks, accidentally allowing his gaze to soften as it fell on Angel trying to placate the sobbing Mira with four hands full of dancing toys. Niffty was wriggling a new set of clothes on the child as he did so.

“They said WHAT?!” Lucifer shouted, hellfire bursting from his tongue in disgust. “What possible crime could an infant even commit?”

“Something about being born evil from the original sin or whatever, but you know, the crazies who follow that line of thinking often also believe that the menstrual cycle was some sort of Heavenly judgement and not just… biology. Church near my town back on earth used to dance with snakes and claim to be the enactors of the lord’s will; liked to wear bleached hoods at night if you get me. And you just know that people like them wrote the literal book they all believe in… so I didn’t put much stock in it.” Husk shrugs, then takes a stern look at Lucifer, before starting to make the man a stiff drink.

“...where would I even PUT that many children?” Lucifer murmurs, as Charlie walks him to the bar, patting his back. 

“Where indeed, little king?” Alastor rematerialised, any trace of the earlier feeding removed and his clothing immaculate once more. He leans against the bar, watching Angel now dual-wielding one sobbing infant and the equally-distraught Niffty, who wasn’t sure why the baby disliked her attempts to keep her tidy. 

Rosie moved to intervene, smoothly. “Here, here, little miss… such a fuss for no reason!” she chides, picking up Niffty and holding her tightly, stroking soft red locks.

Angel brings the baby to the bar, looking uncertain. “I used to be okay with babies, not sure what part of me is setting her off. Is it the fur?”

Alastor tilts his head and a tendril delivers a firm strike to the baby’s back. Another little bubbled burp escapes, and the distress ceases instantly.

“I suspect that all the movement simply unsettled her recent feed, and she needed further burping. Nothing against your personal ability to manage an infant. For someone allegedly full of himself, you certainly can be quite self-conscious can’t you, Angel?” 

“Thank fuc-...dge! Heh, she’s kinda cute when she’s all happy an’ shi-...zz.” Angel dodges the swear words as best he can, after decades of casual use. He bounces Mira delightedly, and she clacks her sharp teeth at him in delight. “Okay, that’s a bit freaky but like… she’s full, right? Cause I think it’d be a bad idea for her to get a taste of me, with all the weird stuff Val was pumping into the air today at the studio.”

“Oh she’s fine, darling, don’t worry. You’ll know if she’s hungry again, but I think between Al and I we can get her unlatch her jaw before anything too vital is lost.”

“Could I hold her again?” Charlie asks, looking wistfully at the little creature. Behind her, Vaggie’s fingers twitch, eager to have another chance as well.

“I don’t see why not, Charlie dear, but I will need to get back to my silly people within the next hour or so. They can start doing the strangest things when I’m away too long… and with Susan so unexpectedly... blessed, I doubt she is paying close attention to any antics happening in my absence.” 

“On the bright side, the lack of screams of the eviscerated do indicate no one has gone on a feeding frenzy yet!” Alastor laughed back. “Though there is still time, if some enterprising young hunter wanted to try their hand at testing the boundaries…”

Lucifer looked between the overlords sandwiching him at the counter, and then over to Charlie, Vaggie and Mira. He frowns, a faint nostalgic smile on his face, recalling Lillith with baby Charlie.

“Were there any other side effects you’ve noticed from the… post-extermination feast? Aside from the apparently miraculous string of pregnancies? There weren’t say, 66 of them, were there?” He half-jokes, panicking internally.

“Why, just a general heightened cheerfulness amongst the populace. And rest assured the number is well below twenty in total, I promise. Unless you need it to be more… I have some of the meat and products left in the deep freezers we can haul out. Anything for King and country, eh, Alastor?”

“...well, it wouldn’t do to allow Susan to hog the spotlight, would it?” He grinned back at Rosie. “Thy will be done and all, little majesty.” 

“What-... no-... please whatever you do, no more angel meat until I’ve asked Belphegor about it. We don’t want to do anything that might set off a seal.” The desperation in his tone was aimed more at the idea of having to compete for Charlie’s attention with two theoretically pregnant overlords at once, and knowing he’d never win that little contest. Not now Charlie knew how adorable babies were. 

The overlords threw back their heads and laughed, dissipating the tension as Lucifer realised neither had been serious. Damn, he needed to get better at reading people… all that time cooped up in the palace had atrophied his bullshit detecting skills.

Husk reached across the bartop to stroke the child’s cheek, tail swishing in excitement as she grabbed his claw. “Okay, that’s pretty cute, kid. You think maybe her parents would mind us spending more time with her as she grows? Nowhere safer than here, if you think about it.” 

“Why husker, are you volunteering to babysit? I could add it to your roster, if that’s what you prefer.” 

“Ah, can it Al, you want the little miss here as much as I do. Could be fun to have a bunch of little cannibals and cannibettes bobbing about the place, might be the only time it ever happens down here.”

“...how bold of you, Husker. Though, true, it could be fun… as long as dear Rosie agrees?” 

“Boys, I promise that these poor sinners of mine will be bursting through your wall at all hours to drop off the children for a moment’s peace very soon. As delighted as they are this has been quite the surprise, and rather distressing for more than a few people.”

“Splendid!” Alastor claps his hands, leaning over Lucifer toward Rosie as if to share a secret, and not simply to piss off the King trapped between respective chests. “Now I hear that you-...”

The side wall blasts inwards explosively, electricity sparking in all directions. 

For one horrifying split second, everyone is hurled across the room and baby Mira seems flies free of Charlotte’s hands as the Princess is dazed by a chunk of foundational concrete. 

Vaggie reaches out to grab the child, but it is Alastor's shade who moves fastest, snatching the child out of harm’s way before anyone can blink. 

With a spine-chilling cervine shriek, the area floods with shadow as a very ticked-off Overlord expands to fit the confines of the room, looming over the no-longer-triumphant looking Vox he is pinned to the floor with a massive hand. A ludicrously small looking infant cradled carefully in the other.

“H33y you fuckee33r, fi111ght fair!” Vox growls, screen fritzing around the cracked screen. Building a charge to blast the other through the pinning appendage. “T111me3 to pay fff-4444our that little stunt with mmmm-my show!”

“V̶̪̠̩́̌͌̊͂��O̶̢̯̯̹̮̮̰̟̠̭̦̔̋͊͑͋̆̋͒̅͘Ẍ̵̲̲̹̜͕̫̫͖̠͍́̇̒́̿́̎̅̌̊”

“Oh fuckkkkk o0000ff with thaaatttt…”

Charlie, stunned but regaining her sense of stability, is helped upright by Vaggie. 

Her father hovers frantically about her, and notices the smear of blood down her temple, the dazed look in her eyes, and he sees red.

 

“☠ S̶̠̣̲͂I̷̜͝N̸̳̰̰̱̾̋N̸͉̽̈́Ẻ̵̖̯̊R̸͇̪̈́̊̅͝,̴͓͍̲̦͍́̆ ̶̹̮̘̲̤̅̉̔Y̶͈͑͆́̊̚o̸̭̽̀u̸͉̯͕̯̘͊̈́̂̓͊ ̷̫̫̳͗͆̇ͅD̸͈̲͒̂̍́͘͜À̸̡̡̜͚̪R̴̺̻̈́͛ͅË̶̡̦̯̼͎́̆͂͊D̸̛̠̱̖̻̘̏͑͋̐ ̶͉̗́t̶͉̲͍̠̄̈̊͝ȯ̷͖̎͑ ̵̘̞̫̤̏͋̔a̴̼̩̋t̴̨̼̻͖̑̐̀t̷̝͈̩̝̀̋͊ͅa̸̯̳̋̔͜ͅc̸̹̖̔̍̂k̶̟̓ ̷̺͆̑̎͝a̸͔̩̪̐ ̷̟͍͈͍́p̵̟̖̘̄̓̅͘l̴̨̨̛͕̰̆͌͐͜ã̴̻͇̲̱̺c̴̬͚͉͓̉͋̀̄̊ȩ̷̹́ ̸͔̒̈́ü̷̳̻̤͆̑ṇ̷͍͔͈̈́͝d̶͖͕̮́ẻ̸̖͓̥̠r̷̢͇̰̩̈́͐̈́́͜ ̴̨̩͈̟͈̽t̴̢̨̫̀͌͘ͅẖ̶̰͙̙̗͊͌ē̴̦̪̼̘͒̉̃̕ ̵̹̗̣̠͇̀̿͑͝r̶̛̲̝̒̒̕u̴̯̤̒̓̍̇l̸̻͓̓̐̕͝ȅ̵̝̌ͅ ̸͇̭̗̞͎̇ō̵̧̟͍̻̉͝f̷͓͎̍̽͊̈ ̸̟͙̮̋̈m̷̘̑̅͐͗̕y̶̠͚̙̾̓́ ̸̨̼̖͖͙̾̈́ḍ̷̛̠͐̈́å̸̭̱̠͔̮͗͠͝ǘ̸̙̤́͝g̴̢̘̗̝̐h̶̗͎̗͋́̋͂́t̶͖̝͍̃́e̶̦̟̫̱̿́͐̎r̴̯͕̟͂̆̄?̴͎͊̃̀͆͜ ̷̬̪͚͖̽̎U̶̬̒̃̎n̶̘̙̣̂̃͐ͅd̷͈̠̽ȩ̵̘͎̲̭̋̌ṛ̸͓͎͈͕͑̑̄ ̷̛̹̻͛͘ͅm̶̡̯̺̻̭͌y̷̜̌̈́͂̀̚ͅ ̷̮͝ṕ̸͎͍̭͕̍͒̓r̶̟̱̖̋ô̷̗̓̐̾t̸̩̣͊͐͗̑͜͝ẹ̸̦͇͚̞̿͂c̷̜͠t̸̼͖̋͐̃î̴̢̙͕͇͕̔̀͆́ö̸̻́͛n̷̨̧̺̣̤͝?̸̧͕̆!̵̰̿̽͗̆ ☠”

Vox realises he fucked up and tried to escape. He’d come to fight Alastor, for knocking out his towers earlier that day… not face down the Devil himself.

“Y000our Maje33s555ty, I can expla- pla-plain…” he glitches harder, casting about for any spark he could use to leave the situation.

“You disappoint me, Vox. I always thought you better than this, lowering yourself to some petty attack in the middle of the day… and I assure you, it would not do to test my patience for you, dear. I am starting to grow… H̵̳̞͚̥͈̬̦̳̹̤̳̃̈́̉͂̈̔̍͂̓��̚͜ͅͅǘ̸̞̆͑̒̔͐̕n̶̡̳͇̹̟̤͕̬͍̻͚̝̬͛͜ḡ̸̡̨̗͍̭̺̠̞͇̻̺̃̄̽̈́̑̏̈́̏̐̚r̶̬̖͌͐̊̍͗͘ͅy̸̗̞̖̠̝̯̫̍́͛͐.” Rosie intones, and Vox looks about three seconds from Blue Screening… or ruining his pants. 

Alastor makes a disgusted sound, his static filling the air with warning klaxxons as baby Mira shifts in his hand and expresses her disgruntlement at the noise. He pulls back the hand holding Vox to the floor as it is clear the TV was enjoying this near death situation far more than anyone involved preferred.

“Leave, Vox. Or I shall enjoy feasting on what remains when his Majesty and Alastor are finished with you.” She orders, standing tall over him now. She claps at him, “SHOO.”

He hurls himself at a sparking wire from the busted wall, disappearing down the line  as hellfire singes where he was. 

Lucifer is seething, but he’s marked down that sinner’s name and face. He had all of eternity to ensure that such a creature didn’t get away with harming his Charlotte… speaking of, he hastens to her side.

Rosie, meanwhile, is taking little Mira and handing her off to Husk. Angel has Niffty in several arms and is stroking her hair. It’s a little more for him, at this point, anxiety about retribution from Val high in his worries right now. 

“Now deerling, you need to settle down as well because she’s fine… and Charlie’s fine too. See, Husk has her… she didn’t get hurt, your shadow saw to that.” Rosie soothes, as Alastor began to shrink down again. “See? Totally fine!” 

“...ah, excellent. Do excuse me.” He murmured, and disappeared into shadow.

“Blast, now I have to trek through his bayou in my nice boots. Husker, can you handle Mira for a moment longer? Excellent, good chap.” Rosie orders, sidestepping some shadow poppets that arrived for the wall. She pauses, glaring menacingly at the wing obstructing the way as if she was tallying the risks of biting his Majesty for the sheer pique of him holding up her egress.

“Hey, hang on… firstly are you okay?” Lucifer asks, and at once you can see the angel he was glowing behind the years of torment and self-hatred. “I retained a small vestige of my healing, I can help if you need me to. The child is fine, she didn’t even get dust on her.”

“Sire, I’m fine, but I do need to go and visit my deer friend before he goes on a rampage. Vox really crossed the line today, and over one of their little spats, honestly I have no idea why I don’t just eat the pair of them.” She grumbles, storming up the stairs with the King hovering behind. He’s not really doing this altruistically, its more curiosity at this point, but she’ll take it.

“So… what’s eating the bellhop?”

“I’d prefer, Majesty, if you refrained from antagonising him for the moment. This whole situation has stirred up something that I will mention, but ask for your discretion about, as I would have to eat you should you try and use it against him in this whole dick measuring contest you two have going.” 

He nearly falls out of the air hearing Rosie swear like that. It just… caught him off guard, is all.

“I-... er, yeah, okay. I mean, I was ready to end Box for hurting Charlie, but she’s my daughter and I’d burn down Heaven for her if I had to. What’s up with spooky in the swamp?”

“It’s a sad little story, but the gist of it was that he was never an only child… just the only one that grew up. Some never took their first breaths, their bodies already bruised from their father’s fists and their mother too frail to give them what was needed… and just the one little girl made it beyond that fragile measure. A little sister that brought joy into a place of torment and violence, who was doted on and cared for primarily by a brother barely older than her.”

Alastor will never tell you more than that, and it is not my place to share the parts around the cruelty of his father, the suffering of his mother, and all of the townsfolk who let it happen because it was easier than interfering. What I can say, is that despite the best efforts of my fawn-dest friend, babies cry… and violent men dislike things out of their control.”

Lucifer thought about his little Charlie, and his stomach dropped. 

“The little girl was dashed into the wall, you see. Have you ever seen a baby strike something solid like that? They have no chance… no way to defend against it. She didn’t even cry out, and that silence was so profound I am certain it had something to do with the manifestation of Alastor’s static ambiance. He hates when it’s too quiet.”

“...fuck.” Lucifer choked out, gorge rising. “I-... I would have killed someone for less.”

“Oh, never you mind, Majesty, he definitely murdered that man. Twice. You can hear his screams in the background of any broadcast if you know who to listen for.” Rosie grins, pushing open the door and shooing off the shadow as it leapt at Lucifer. “Come now, we’re here to help. In anycase, sire, the damage was already done… I think that perhaps today was a step too far for anyone to handle. Babies in Hell of all things, and then the one he’s even tangentially attached to is launched at a wall… I thought he was going to break the hotel in half with his panicked response.”

“...I… I didn’t even think about the baby, I was looking at Charlie.” 

“Understandable, of course, she is very much Your Baby and a delightful young lady at that. She was safe, you saw him put a tendril between the Princess and Vox, I’m certain. And I would have stepped in if needed.” 

“So, there’s a swamp in here… where do we look?”

“Oh, I know the place, it’s just a shame the place is so realistic.” Rosie laments her boots’ fate and storms in looking for her friend. “You’d better be decent, I’m coming in!” she yells, startling a laugh from somewhere nearby.

“Not a day in my life, Rosie…” echoes around them in the mist. 

Rounding a clump of mangroves, they find a mossy alcove under a large, sprawling tree that seems to be both a seat and a large bowl style bed. One might fit at least four Angel Dusts in there if they curled up a little.

Alastor was sitting there with his face in his hands, bloody gouges trailing from under his eyes down his cheeks. Reopening as they tried to close.

Rosie smacks his hands away. “Enough of that!”

Heart 2 Heart style talk about how everyone is okay.

Lucifer is awkward about it.

Rosie offers to use her power to settle Alastor to sleep, but he refuses, stating he wanted to check on the child one more time.  Lucifer mentions that a drop of his blood could do the same, if he imbues it right, and Alastor makes a quip about the king clearly trying to get him pregnant at the exact moment Niffty races past. Ensuring the rest of the hotel gets a messy version of it.

Checks on little Mira, she’s FINE.

Banter. Insistence that Susan is carrying the true antichrist and they need to let Heaven know to avoid hostilities. Rosie collects the child and heads back to Cannibal Town.

Husk asks if things are fine? Subtly. 

Yes. The wall is almost completed.

Once Rosie is out of sight, Angel receives an aggressive call from Valentino, calling ‘his whore back to work’ and telling him to give up any plans on walking for the next week because Vox came back pissed. He needed someone to play with… etc.

“Oh, let him know you’re coming, Angel. I’m sure we could escort you there.”

“Please don’t get me in trouble with Val…”

“My good man, he can’t hurt you if he’s DEAD, can he?”

Epilogue of Lucifer and Alastor having a conversation where it is slowly revealed that they are standing in the decimated ruins of V tower, twitching masses of viscera are left of their adversaries. 

Shell shocked Angel standing there, half horrified and half aroused. 

“Okay, I know the answer was no the first time I said it, but can I PLEASE suck ya-...”

“NO” unified response.

“Hey, your loss.” He shrugs, texting Cherri the good news. “Well, if ya change ya mind ‘Boss’, just know I can probably get ya pregnant with more accuracy than Short King there…” 

The sinner howls with laughter as he dashes off, at the truly scandalised expression on Alastor’s face. The temptation to yank him back by the soulchain was… strong.

“Oh come on… I could too get you pregnant,” Lucifer whines. Getting him a glare. “I mean theoretically. Had this whole argument with Lillith before Charlie, but she insisted… and well, let me tell you the whole process is No Joke. I love Charlie, but never again.”

“...that explains a lot about both of you.”

“I spill the best kept secret in hell and you backhand it at me. You’re infuriating!”

“I aim to tease, your majesty.” Alastor grins. He glances up at the pentagram in the sky. “So, it appears that things are changing once more, and of all the plagues to cast upon us… Hell is full of cannibal infants. Is there anything in that little book about that?”

“Er, I didn’t like how fictionalised it was, so I never finished it. No one said begat by the way, except maybe Uriel once when he made a joke about how he be-getting tired of hearing self-serving prayers.” Lucifer glanced up, then bac at the sinner. “Not the worst thing that could happen, I suppose… and hey, if Charlie’s program works, maybe we can get them upstairs and eating angels soon too.”

There’s a pause. “You know, I’m sure your sister is up there, with your mother… never had anyone under thirteen fall here, and that was a very specific circumstance. Msot teens get a pass because they’re all naturally little monsters… er, I’m bad at sympathising, but I hope you get what I mean.”

“Oh, I do… but watching you fumble was fun.”

“Fuck you.”

“I thought we’d moved past the impregnation discussion sire, I’m starting to suspect you have ulterior motives here…” Alastor quips back, stepping atop what was left of Vox’s severed screen as they began to walk back to the hotel.

“Oh you fucker-...”

“Alas, again I must decline, my short-statured sovereign. Many thanks for your consideration, but I dont believe I own a step-stool of the right height to facilitate anything salacious betwixt us. Ah, a pity…” 

“...I can’t think of anything you won’t twist into something fucked up…” Lucifer admits, cringing slightly as a hunk of what may have been Valentino once slipped off a nearby neon sign and landed at his feet. “Heh, guess that moth guy had guts after all… they’re on my shoes.”

Alastor can’t help but snort in response.

“Why little majesty, I do believe I could come to like you if you continue to amuse like this.”

“Excellent, you’re falling for my fantastic sense of humour already. So when I do decide to end you, you won’t see me coming!”

“Sire, given the lack of a step stool, I wouldn’t be seeing you coming in any circumstance…” Alastor deadpans, and flits up the street in his shade to stand next to a stunned-looking Angel Dust. Cherri Bomb is rolling on the pavement beside him, howling with laughter.

Lucifer sputters, grinning and furious that the red haired bellhop had somehow outmanoeuvred him in their little game of wordplay. He’s trying to slap something together on the fly, and finding nothing.

“Come along, your Lowness, I believe Charlie is cooking dinner tonight. At least one person capable of putting out an industrial fire should be present, for the sanctity of the hotel.”

“Hey, I taught Char-Char to cook. She’s fine at it!”

“...nah I’m with Smiles. That girl is amazing as long as you can force down charcoal flavoured whatever it was supposed to be at every meal. No idea how Vaggie manages it. There’s love, and then there’s that codependent mess…” Angel adds.

“

[Find way to end]

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Mad Love Chapter 21 His POV

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

We started the process of making an antidote to condemn the condemned. Hoever, it was difficult to do…

Roger: So how ‘bout you take a break and run an errand for me?

Kate: An errand?

Roger: Yeah, it’s a kind of errand only you can do. I’m gonna keep researching, but I got someone to go with you—

Before I could even finish my sentence, the lab’s door opened.

Alfons: What is it. Why are you calling people over all of a sudden?

Roger: …See?

--

After Kate and Alfons left to run a “cemetery visit” errand, silence fell in the lab.

The silence seemed to bare his heart.

(...I still haven’t told Kate yet)

—That being, the fact that repeatedly conducting experiments on myself had shortened my lifespan.

(I got no intention of devaluing my own life. Humans are nothing without it) 

(But before I joined Crown, there weren’t a lot of Cursed Ones around me)

I suddenly remembered the day I went out to collect information on a new Cursed One…

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: It’s Roger! You there?! Don’t be so depressed about your life. I’m cursed like you—  —Anyway, let me explain in person! If you’re pretending you’re out, I’m kicking down your door!

I kicked the door open and—

Puppy: Arf arf!

There was a small, beer-colored puppy.

Roger: A dog…? You’re so thin. Where’s your owner…

Puppy: Arf! Arf!

The man that the puppy was trying so hard to wake up, laid sleeping forever in his bed.

Roger: Ah, damn it! I was too late… If I came sooner, I might’ve been able to stop him…

From the bottles of liquor on the floor, it was easy to imagine that the man gave up on life in his despair.

(I’m sure…this guy died without knowing he was cursed)

—So many of the Cursed believed they were abnormal, so they either fell into evil or chose to die like this.

Puppy: Awoo…?

That beer-colored one was still a pup and didn’t seem to understand that his owner had died.

Roger: Sorry I couldn’t save your owner…

That’s how Ale and I met.

~~ End flashback ~~

(Before I joined Crown, stuff like that always happened)

Not being able to find Cursed Ones.

Or when I did find one, they’d either be already dead or jailed for their crimes.

(—So my only choice was to stick needles in myself. So that I could get data on Cursed Ones)

Life’s a series of choices.

And I don’t regret my choices.

Rather…I’ve decided that the choices I make will be the right ones.

(That’s how I really feel)

(...But)

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Pull yourself together, Roger Barel! You’re the strongest egoist out there! This despair’s nothing. Just give it the middle finger and laugh it off like you always do!

Roger: …O_O

~~ End flashback ~~

Roger: I never thought…I’d fall in love

Whenever I heard Kate laugh, whenever I saw Kate’s carefree smile, whenever Kate taught me about romantic love, I wished for an “eternity” that humans could never obtain.

(For the first time, I might be regretting a choice)

(Because I fell in love with the lil’ lady)

With a bitter smile, I picked up a test tube and resumed my research.

(...I’m the worst at giving up)

(I’m a hunter. I never let my prey get away)

(I will get everything I want)

Next

[sherlockedfannibal23]

The complete dynamic between Al Haitham and Kaveh (an overthinker's analysis)

So this has been bouncing around in my head for the past few months and I'm going to try and condense it into this post to get it out of my system. Basically these are the parallel themes or principles that I've seen between Al Haitham and Kaveh since they released. Now with some pictures.

1. Subjective versus objective

Kaveh is one to value the subjective, hence favoring art which is the expression of the individual even if it's the expression of his client's wishes, and will often overextend his empathy to inanimate objects like Merahk, animals, etc. Al Haitham on the other hand is more focused on objective fact that isn't malleable or sympathetic to subjective whims, he takes comfort in the stability of knowledge and that all it takes is more learning to solve problems, and considers a lot of subjective things like emotions to be 'noisy'.

2. External vs Internal perspective

Kaveh prioritizes the perspectives of others over his own as the roots from which his understanding grows, while Al Haitham prioritizes his own perspective over others'. This is why Kaveh comes off as empathetic and sentimental and maybe even naive on the surface even if he's highly intelligent, he chooses to take the more alturistic route on purpose, just like Al Haitham chooses the individualistic route even if it makes him more outwardly selfish and callous, has the potential to isolate him and has made him more difficult to understand, the important part here is that they're exercising the method that they concluded was best to realize their interests. For Al Haitham society begins with the individual (himself), while for Kaveh it begins with the collective, and so their respective truths align accordingly. While Kaveh prioritizes responsibility, Al Haitham prioritizes his personal boundaries. Also, while Al Haitham perceives external perspectives as 'noise', Kaveh uses them to actively shape his understanding.

3. Done versus perfect

Kaveh approaches the world as he'd like it to be, based on its potential, while Al Haitham approaches the world as it is. So Kaveh tends to lean into perfectionism and ideals while Al Haitham leans into efficiency and solutions. This is why Kaveh tends to overextend himself, not only does he think that his projects should be the best they could possibly be, but he also thinks the same about himself, holding himself to perfectionist standards. Meanwhile Al Haitham comes off as doing the bare minimum, sometimes even less, because he believes that as long as something meets the 'done' requirements, any extra effort wastes precious energy, time and resources.

4. Different kinds of evolution (adapting/growing versus navigating/surviving)

I think this is where the most contention happens between them, both Al Haitham and Kaveh were faced with circumstances that forced them to adapt (no family and barely any support at a young age, being unique thinkers who are difficult to understand by the average person).

They also both, early on, chose to carve out unique paths for themselves, with belonging being the trade-off. However, while Al Haitham leaned into maintaining himself as he was, finding a niche in which he was comfortable, Kaveh tried to adapt and conform as much as he could while maintaining his core. Think of it like compromising as much as you can to fit in versus refusing to change in exchange for fitting in.

Al Haitham thus sees Kaveh giving away something precious in return for acceptance from people who don't even understand or value him, while Kaveh sees Al Haitham as simply refusing to try to reach an understanding and so find the support and connection he needs. Neither of them is completely correct about the other, and this is what created the circumstances for their fallout. Because they were shaped mainly by their circumstances and did what they had to do to make it out of their difficult circumstances with their 'selves' intact. They evolved differently and thus have very different interpretations of resilience and growth.

5. Openness vs reservedness

This is a small section that ties into the previous one, but basically Kaveh wears his heart on his sleeve, often having a hard time keeping secrets, while Al Haitham is more protective of his, even going so far as avoiding vulnerability by deflecting when people try to frame the conversation in a way that he needs to be forthcoming with personal details. Don't get me wrong, they both struggle with vulnerability, but Kaveh wants to be understood, almost desperately, while Al Haitham wants to be as invisible as possible and would rather not be percieved.

6. Study vs Mastery

This is kind of a minor one but the way they process information is interesting, with Kaveh leaning more into practice and mastery of a craft while Al Haitham seems to lean more into the accumulation in knowledge and closing any gaps in his database.

7. Structural thinking vs dynamic thinking

This is a little difficult to explain and gets into headcanon territory but basically Al Haitham prefers to break things down into components and then work through the pieces systematically while Kaveh likes jumping from point to point, like traversing a flexible web of ideas or connecting stray dots. It's why Al Haitham is better at fact checking, prefers consistency and is resistant to wild ideas, while Kaveh is more creative and prone to unique and far reaching ideas. It's also why their conversations usually involve Kaveh coming off as an overthinker while Al Haitham grounds his train of thought. Imo they're both overthinkers Al Haitham is just systematic and quiet about it.

8. Integration vs compartmentalization

Kaveh values integrating of knowledge, experiences and perspectives while Al Haitham values 'quarantining' his, keeping it stable and uncontaminated. It's what makes their dynamic work but also where their opposing philosophies meet for example with the solutions they provide to the same problems and the burdens they choose to carry.

9. The past vs the future

This is an overarching theme in Sumeru but dreams, memories, and the connections between them as well as how shared experiences reinforce them are big themes even with these two. Kaveh wants to be very future oriented based on his dialogue but you can also see the past weighing him down, heavily influencing his decisions, while Al Haitham is very pragmatic and averse to thinking too big about the future, wanting a peaceful and free life, but even this was sparked by his grandmother's wish, who in a way set him free from carrying through on a dream tied to external expectations or his family's legacy. Too add, he is close to Kaveh and the gang whether he likes it or not precisely because of their shared past, Kaveh is his memory, and he ends up living in their 'dream house', he is still affected by those thread like connections that come with interacting with others and living in community.

10. Risk vs certainty

Another small one but Kaveh is more likely to make a decision based on the potential outcome than what is right in front of him like Al Haitham. This also ties back into seeing things for their potential versus how they are, with Kaveh preferring to work based on the ideal potential of something versus the factual outcome that Al Haitham prefers.

11. Hope(dreams) vs evidence(memory)

This one is speculation and might also be another reason why Kaveh leans into more speculative territory while Al Haitham prefers fact. Kaveh probably only had his dream to hold onto at his lowest point while for Al Haitham structure and evidence have always been available to him (his grandmother was a steady presence who reassured him on being himself while Kaveh was abandoned with little beyond the guilt-laced memories of his father). So for example Kaveh's projects rely on him having and holding onto a vision that he eventually fulfills, while Al Haitham documents what's already been done and established as the Scribe. This ties into Kaveh seeing himself and the world based on potential while Al Haitham prefers seeing things as they are. However Al Haitham ends up respecting Kaveh because he always follows through on his dreams while Kaveh begrudgingly accepts that Al Haitham is far more consistent due to working within realistic boundaries.

My Conclusions

1. They're both self contradictory

The reason people find the two to be confusing is because their characterization is intentionally misleading, in line with the theme of Sumeru where characters turn out to be more than their tropes once you dig a little deeper. And this is exemplified by how they also misunderstand each other when they were younger and inexperienced, hence their fallout.

A really good example is how Al Haitham believes that it's better for people to be individuals (find their own path to belonging with their sense of self intact) rather than conform or force themselves into systems that won't accomodate or appreciate them, however he just happens to fit neatly into the structures of the Akademiya, he's very compatible with how the Akademiya works, something that's not only rare but inaccessible to most people of Sumeru.

Kaveh on the other hand believes that systems should change to accommodate everyone, and that people should try to meet their potential despite the obstacles, and yet is in the one nation where his dream, his ideal, becomes an impossible task, materially but also systemically. His talents aren't appreciated by the institution that's in charge, even after proving it (and above and beyond that), and after years of putting in the extra effort to appeal to the Akademiya and pull his Darshan out of the dark.

The point of their dynamic is not that either one or both are right, it's that they grow even more through their connection and understanding the other's perspective, which is why Al Haitham takes Kaveh in and indulges his whims somewhat, or in the archon quest when he offers himself up as hostage, even if he knows it'll add more 'noise' to his life, something he explicitly avoided as part of his purpose, and why Kaveh didn't accept to continue the utopian-esque research of Sachin even if it would give him a chance to continue chasing his ideals. They were mirroring each other in action.

2. How they mirror each other

Basically they are both unique to the world, and neglected by the world (in different ways but especially in terms of understanding), and as such needed an equally unique person to help them further deepen their understanding of themselves and their world (inner and external), they also both share many core experiences and thus perspectives on a lot because of their time together at the Akademiya, and as such, their relationship is the thing with the most potential for them to both grow/evolve further. They not only understand each others quirks, routines, and flaws, but also gaps in knowledge and experiences, which is invaluable for a scholar.

So with Al Haitham, Kaveh is probably the only person who is truly empathetic towards him, who can correctly deduce on the roots of his behavior, and also anticipate his needs, and thus Kaveh is the only one who can, for example, give meaningful support and company, as well as a controlled environment to learn about others without conventional and tedious socializing. Kaveh is the reason Al Haitham got leftovers even though he forgot there was a meetup, and the reason Al Haitham now has friends to get drinks and play cards with.

With Kaveh, Al Haitham's self reliance and individualism gives him no room to empathize beyond what's necessary, and so Kaveh is forced to just exist and look inward to his own wants and needs, and then voice them, instead of distracting himself with the needs and wants of the people and institutions around him. He's also a stable anchor for Kaveh, both as a consistent and stable presence in his life, as well as the grounded voice to balance out his dreaming. Al Haitham makes space in their shared home for Kaveh to rest and be himself beyond his burdens.

3. Why Nahida prefers Kaveh's perspective but Al Haitham becomes Grand Sage

Honestly I don't know for sure. My speculation is that Nahida and Kaveh both have great potential for growth as well as the desire to fulfill their dreams, they also share the desire to understand the perspectives of others, exercise empathy that is. However this doesn't apply to when the Akademiya needed a new Grand Sage, a period of instability that needed discernment, efficiency and results, after which it can go back to dreaming about the future.

If you made it this far thank you for reading!

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Paul x Chani Relationship Analysis/Thoughts

If you all thought I was done posting about Dune, I'm not, obsession is still going strong. But this time I want to talk more in depth about Paul and Chani's relationship, and by talk I mean gush and maybe cry a little about it. Their romance is so well written that it really does make you feel a whole spectrum of feelings from fluffy adorableness to heartbreaking devastation.

Right from their very first meeting this relationship is interesting and compelling because of the dreams Paul has of her beforehand, even before he ever sets foot on Arrakis he has visions of her. Because these visions are so intriguing, sometimes being very dreamy and kind of romantic, and sometimes being really disturbing where she is stabbing him and taking his life, just like Paul we ourselves are interested in Chani, in who she is, what these visions are and so it creates an anticipation within the audience for their first meeting long before it happens.

When that first meeting does happen you can see that look of recognition in his eyes. For him this meeting is very different than it is for her. This is the girl he has been dreaming about for a long time now, he tells Mother Mohiam that he has dreamt of her many times, so he's had even more visions than even we have seen. So this moment is one that for him has been long awaited, he already feels a deep connection with her because of those dreams, I would even argue that he already has some romantic feelings for her too, considering the way they look at each other in those dreams and visions. For Chani though, he's a stranger, an outsider and even a threat. I do think that she feels some connection, some intrigue towards him though. She says 'they say you are the Mahdi' so she has heard of him before their meeting and so I think that has piqued her interest, I also suspect, as she isn't a believer herself she felt some negative feelings towards this unknown outsider that people are calling Lisan al gaib. Then she meets Paul and he isn't at all what she was expecting, which I think only makes her more curious about him.

Another really interesting scene between them is right before his duel with Jamis when Chani gives him her crysknife. Despite clearly having no confidence in him, which to be fair to her it did look like a strong desert wind could blow him right over, he was tired and traumatised when they met, she still gave him that blade and I think that is really significant. That blade isn't only sacred to her people but she says that her great-aunt gave it to her, which means it is of personal sentiment to her as well. It's really interesting to me that she chose to give him the blade considering the fact that she doesn't believe in the prophecy and when he is an outsider who she clearly thinks is about to die. I think maybe the reason why is because she has some respect for him because of the way he is protecting his mother and because he stood up as her champion. It's clear that Chani has a lot of respect for fighters, she puts a lot of value in a person based on their skills as a warrior, which makes sense considering her fedaykin background. I think she recognised his bravery in standing up as champion and so she has enough respect for him to want him to die with honour. The best way she can aide him in this is by giving him her own crysknife.

After she gives him the crysknife there is a moment when she turns to leave and he calls her back. You can see that he really wants to say something to her but is struggling to find the words. I love this moment because again it shows how Paul wants to make a connection with her, because of the dreams he had and because he already feels linked to her, but he just doesn't know where to begin to explain it, how do you tell someone that you were dreaming about them before you ever even met them? I also think Paul was maybe looking for a way to ground himself, in most of his visions Chani was acting as a guide for him, she's leading him and showing him the way, so to me it would make sense in this moment when he is confronted with this duel that could end in his death, that he would search for some comfort in her.

Another scene I really love is after he has killed Jamis in the duel, we see him walking through the small crowd of fremen and they are all patting his shoulders showing him honour and respect. There is that really beautiful shot of Chani climbing off the rock, its in slow motion and the wind is blowing causing her clothes and hair to flutter in the wind and it just looks so ethereal. Then it flicks back to Paul continue his walk through the crowd and he's also in slow motion, he looks up at her and their eyes lock on each other. Paul is in a very vulnerable position in this moment, he's still struggling with the death of his father and the massacre of his friends, now he's just killed for the first time and you can see from the look in his eyes that it has effected him deeply, he's devasted. In this moment of vulnerability we are shown him walking towards Chani. In a lot of ways the moment mirrors many of the visions he's had of her, where she is standing some distance away and he approaches her, or follows her. I just love that symbolism of him walking towards her, of her becoming his way. The symbolism is then deepened when Stilgar tells Paul he is one of them now, a life for a life and when the shot switches back to Paul you see Chani at his side. When Jessica then says that Paul has to get off world and Paul tells her no, that his path leads into the desert we are again shown this image of him standing with Chani at his side, this is imagery that continues into the second movie.

The last scene of dune part 1 is Chani showing Paul a fremen riding a sandworm, desert power, before telling him its only the beginning and then continuing to lead him into the desert. I love the little look they exchange and the smile that crosses his face as he looks after her.

One thing I did notice is that throughout part 2 in particular these two are always looking for each other and exchanging these little looks, like they can't help but be drawn to the other. Part 2 is where we really see their romance begin to form and honestly what I love the most about it was how natural it felt.

For Chani the way it grows is through her respect for him as a warrior. I think this is initially what attracts her to him. In the beginning of the movie after he fights the Harkonnens she tells him that he fought well, and you can see that respect begin to grow more. One of my favourite scenes though is the one where they're at Sietch tabr, Paul and his mother are sitting separately from the rest of the fremen and Paul realises there's spice in the food they've been given. When Chani's friend begins to tease Paul, Chani sticks up for him and gives the reasoning that they should give him their respect because he's a good fighter, I just love the look her friend gives her, its so relatable, its that, girl I know what you're about and I know you like this guy, look. I think most of us have had that moment when we realise that our friend has a crush on someone and you can't help but give them that teasing/knowing look. Just 10/10 moment there.

I think another moment when Paul earns Chani's trust and respect is after Jessica drinks the water of life and the two factions of the fremen (believers and non believers) are arguing and Paul pipes up admitting that his mother is trained in poison transmutation. It's clear that Chani doesn't believe that the prophecy is true and that it is something that outsiders use to control her people. So whilst I think it takes her aback when he declares that he is not the Mahdi and that he just wants to fight beside them and learn their ways, it also makes her warm to him even more and begin to trust him. Its why later when Stilgar sends Paul off into the desert and Chani's friend asks her if she cares for him now, she replies that he isn't like the other outsiders, that he's sincere. She had become used to foreigners using her people for their own ends but she sees something different in Paul, which honestly just makes his actions in the end of the movie all the more heartbreaking. This sincerity that she sees in him is what makes her follow him into the desert and help him. This is only a little detail but I do love the little breathy laugh/smile he lets out when he realises its her sitting above him on the sand dune, its cute that he's so happy to see her.

Her teaching him to sandwalk is another really good scene. That moment when she's explaining it to him and then he's like 'well according to my info books' was really hilarious especially the look she gives him, just hush Paul, at least he had the good sense to stop himself. But what is really beautiful about that scene is again that imagery of them being side by side, not only that but seeing them move in sync with each other as he learns from her.

Speaking of beautiful scenes the next one where she is explaining to him how wind traps work and he's just staring at her completely smitten made me melt. Her opening line in this scene is also telling, she says that she is the only one who believes he'll make it to summer. It seems like such a innocent, non descript line but it shows that she now has faith in him, she believes in him, not him as the Mahdi, but him Paul, the person. I also love how it parallels back to part 1 and how she had no faith in him pre his fight with Jamis. The scene is just also so beautifully shot, how her voice fades out as their love theme begins to softly play, we are really shown how Paul is seeing her, how he's just lost in her, and I will never get over the way he looks at her in this scene. I also love that awkward but giddy feeling she clearly gets when she catches him staring at her, like awkward crush feelings where she's feeling a bit shy and overwhelmed but she is also happy that he's looking at her that way because she too is feeling romantic feelings for him. It very much gives early stages of love vibes, when you both have feelings for each other but you haven't acted on them yet, you're still feeling the other out. I could watch this scene a hundred times over and never get tired of it.

However if you told me I could only watch one scene from the movie ever again, it would have to be the scene in the tent after they've attacked the spice harvesters. Everything about this scene is just so perfect. The atmosphere is so jovial and you get such a sense of comradery, you can tell that these people have a deep bond between them and its beautiful to watch Paul find a place among them. When he makes that impassioned speech about how they should strike further north, and if he dies he dies but the others will continue on until the fremen are free, I just love the look on Chani's face, you can literally see her falling deeper in love with him in this moment, she's spellbound by him. I also love how after he has been given his fremen names and everyone gets up to hug him, Chani becomes visibly nervous, you can almost see her thinking in her head, ok girl just stay cool and collected don't let your heart eyes show. It is again playing into that early love stage of a relationship. Then when she does lean in she doesn't fully hug him because she's too nervous too, yet the moment is so charged and full of chemistry, its so obvious that they want to kiss. They also do one of my favourite things a couple can do, I call it the magnet move, when Chani pulls away, Paul instinctively follows her wanting to maintain that closeness, like two magnets on a table, you pull one away and the other follows.

Next comes the big moment, the first kiss. This is another beautifully shot scene, and I know you are probably getting sick of me saying that but I can't help that this film was filled with such artfully done scenes, especially the romance ones, they're just gorgeous to look at, especially with the golden sand lit by the golden sun. But this moment it also very significant because of what happens later in the film, as beautiful as this moment is it sets us up for the devastation that comes later. The scene starts with Paul saying 'I found my way father' which is a call back to the conversation he had with his father in part one where his father tells him its ok to find his own way even if that path isn't as the Duke. We see him remove the ducal ring showing that he is shredding that identity, stepping off that path and instead embracing the fremen way and his fremen identity. What is really interesting is that right before taking the ring off he looks back to see Chani climbing up the sand dune towards him. What follows is basically a conversation about who they each are and where they come from. Chani asks Paul about his own home world and we get a true understanding of just how different their worlds were. They talk about her secret name, Sihaya and how she hates it and its connection to the prophecy, its about claiming your own identity and rejecting the one someone else chose for you. Paul rejects his title of duke and of Madhi and instead chooses to be Paul Maud'dib Usul the fremen. Chani rejects the name that links her to the prophecy and chooses her own path, and at this moment they are both on the same path. They get into a discussion of blood, how he comes from Dukes but that here on Arrakis they are seen as equals. This moment is so important, Paul tells her that he wants to be equal to her and this is the promise that he'll later break. Despite that, in this moment I really do believe that Paul means it and that he is sincere. I also love how sweet their first kiss is, how she is the first to lean in and how she turns to deepen it and how he then wraps his arm around her shoulders to pull her in even closer, its just the perfect first kiss.

Following their first kiss we get a montage of the passing time and again its stunning visually. Just before they kiss Chani tells Paul that maybe she'll show him the way of the fremen/desert and one of the first shots of the montage is literally her showing him the way through the desert. We see them fighting Harkonnens together and we see him growing closer to the fremen. I love the shot where they are standing on the sand dune and Chani leans her head on his shoulder, when it flicks next to the harvesters being brought in, I couldn't help but notice that the balloons carrying the harvesters looked like hearts. Then you have that shot of Paul lowering the telescope and you see his eyes have now turned blue showing that he has fully and truly embraced the fremen and become fremen.

The next scene we see of them after the montage is when Paul wakes from a nightmare on the day he's going to ride a sandworm for the first time. This scene shows us not only that some time has passed but also that their relationship has advanced a lot, they are now sleeping in the same tent and its very domestic. She comforts him as he gains his bearings after the nightmare showing how she has become a source of support for him. Him then telling her about his nightmare also shows the trust they have between them, he feels safe enough to be vulnerable around her, to share his fears with her. When it comes to the moment when he rides the sandworm for the first time its really sweet how worried we see her. She knows that he's just had this nightmare, so naturally when doing something this risky Chani probably would wish he had a good nights rest and was focused. Also I think some of her worry comes from knowing how important this is to Paul and how its the final test for him to become truly fremen. She loves him so she wants him to succeed. I also love that look she gives her friend when she tells Paul to call a big sandworm, but I also love that her friend reassures her and reminds her that Stilgar has taught him well. When Paul succeeds and rides the worm you can see the pure exhilaration on Chani's face, she is so happy for him and so proud of him and you can feel the same sense of triumph she and the other fedaykin feel. But Chani's mood quickly shifts when she sees the other fedaykin go from cheering to praying to Paul, and that worry creeps back in.

Their love scene is one of those scenes that covers a full spectrum of emotions. It's a very tender moment between them and also surprisingly steamy considering the rating. There is this tiny blink and you miss it moment where right after Chani says 'will you always be with me' they both have these little smiles on their faces before Paul replies 'as long as I breathe' honestly its such a tender moment and it really pulls at my heartstrings every time I see it. But then the mood shifts and we can see Chani's fear coming through. It mirrors the tent scene where Paul has his nightmare only this time their roles are reversed, Paul is the one comforting Chani and she is the one that is expressing her fears. Their fears are the same, they both fear the fundamentalists that worship Paul as the Mahdi. Chani recognises the dangers of this blind worship and how its is being spread by Jessica who is fanning the flames. It does kind of feel like Paul is burying his head in the sand a bit here though, he is trying to pretend that he can just ignore this problem but Chani can see that its beginning to grow out of control and that scares her. I think the fact that she asks whether he will always be with her shows that she fears losing him.

The biggest turning point comes though when Paul is reunited with Gurney. For the first half of the film Paul has been adamant and steadfast in rejecting his connections to the house atriedes and instead embracing his new identity as a fremen. But when Gurney shows up he is connection back to his previous life, his previous identity and this clearly worries Chani even though she claims that she trusts Usul. Despite her worry though she still helps Gurney when Paul tells her that he is family. She knows that this new stranger is someone important to Paul and so because she loves Paul and wants what's best for him she swallows down her own concerns and helps Gurney. The situation only gets more tense though when Gurney tells Paul that he knows where the Atreides family atomics are.

Which is when we get the second tent scene where Paul tells Chani about the atomics. Honestly this is another scene that is wrought in tension but where there is a moment or two where there is this tenderness between them too. It's interesting that whilst telling Chani about the atomics Paul is studying the ducal ring, its the first time we see it since he took it off right before their first kiss. It's clear that Chani is becoming more and more scared especially when Paul starts making plans for how he could use the atomics and says the line 'he who can destroy a thing has the real control of it.' She rightly calls him out, reminding him that he promised her that he didn't want power. Then he accuses her of not trusting him and honestly even I found her response a bit harsh, telling him that he's a foreigner just like his friend. I saw some comments, mostly on youtube, complaining that Chani never saw or accepted Paul as fremen, that she always saw him as an outsider, and they use this moment as proof of that. But I don't agree with that view at all, I think Chani's biggest fear is that she will lose Paul to the fundamentalists and that he'll be unable to outrun who he was in the past, the duke of arrakis, the future of house Atreides, he would no longer be her equal, be the man she has come to love, its because she does see him as one of them that she fears him becoming someone else. I do think that this is where Chani starts to put some walls back up, she has that little feeling of doubt creep in, she's feeling unsettled. However her calling him a foreigner really hurts him and he denies it. You can see Chani's facial expression shift when she turns to look at him. At first she looks angry and like she is about to throw off another snipe at him, but then she sees his pain and instead reassures him, telling him he wasn't to her but he is to the desert. I think Gurney showing back up has reminded Chani of how they come from different places, how he was once a duke. But Paul also recognises Chani's fears and tries to reassure her, reminding her that his loyalty is to her and the fremen and its them that's behind his motivations. Chani seems to be convinced but that tension between them still lingers.

Things only get worse when Paul has that dream about Chani dying and awakes to Sietch Tabr under attack. There is that heartstopping moment where Paul can't find Chani and you can see the very real fear when he shouts out her name. His and the audience's fear only increase when we locate Chani but she's standing on a dune exactly as the vision showed and we get that mirroring image of Paul running up the dune towards her and you can't help but panic that this is his vision coming true. The look of complete relief on Paul's face when he reaches Chani and she is ok is only momentary because it quickly turns to horror when they see the artillery hitting the Sietch. But once again it is to each other that they turn for support. I think the attack on Sietch Tabr has a huge effect on Paul's motivations going forward, he says to Gurney that he never saw it coming. Despite all of the nightmares and visions he is plagued with, this was something that he didn't see coming, that he couldn't stop and that is frustrating to him, he thinks if he did see it then maybe he could've stopped it and I think its the same with the vision of Chani's death, his visions have always been murky and unclear and as he is losing more and his fear is growing it makes drinking the water of life more tempting. What is that line that Jessica is always saying, fear is the mind killer. I think the attack on Sietch Tabr and the vision of Chani's death happening simultaneously is what finally causes Paul's fear to take over and that is when he truly becomes lost.

The last scene between Chani and Paul before they leave to go south is one of the most bittersweet and heartbreaking I've seen. Chani's line 'the world has made choices for us' is really heartbreaking because of how true it is, they only have the illusion of making choices, they are being pulled by the actions of others around them, so as much as Paul wants to live happily amongst the fremen and with Chani, outside forces work to pull him off that path and onto one of their own choosing. Jessica's actions, Gurney's, the Harkonnen's, the Bene Gesserit and the Emperor's all work against Paul and force him into a choice that he doesn't want to make. So he 'chooses' to go South and drink the water, but he also doesn't have a choice in it at all in truth. What makes my heart ache is the way he is crying in this scene, his fear that he will lose Chani. She tries to reassure him that he'll never lose her but she doesn't fully understand, she doesn't know what he does, that he's going to have to drink the water. It's that line 'as long as you stay who you are' you can see the resigned nod he gives and the just pain in his eyes because he knows that he can't stay who he is, so this promise she is giving him isn't the comfort he is seeking, its confirmation that he will in fact lose her and its just awful to watch him have that realisation and poor Chani seems to be clueless to it. But something interesting that I caught in this moment is that she calls him Paul Atreides. It's interesting because whilst she has called him Paul on occasion she mostly refers to him by his fremen name Usul, but not only does she recognise him as Paul in this moment she also recognises him as an Atreides which I don't think we've seen her do since the beginning of their relationship. Also when Paul replies he says that he will cross the storms with her and help get her people to safety. Again this is a departure from his view before this when he insisted that he wasn't a foreigner, that the fremen were their people. Already we are seeing this distance begin to form between them, its subtle but the cracks are there.

The last kiss between them in this scene is bittersweet, you can see Paul relishing it, clinging to it because he knows its likely their last kiss, for him this is a goodbye in a way. The head shake he does when they pull apart and the way he keeps his eyes closed because he can't bear to look at her, knowing what he's about to do, it really does just hit you in the gut, its so painful to watch, especially because you know he is doing this because he thinks its the only way to keep her safe, to keep the fremen safe, he has to open his mind so he can see all the dangers that might come their way, so he can guide them to the future where he doesn't lose her or his friends.

One moment where I have seen alot of conflicting opinions over is the scene where Chani comes to Paul after he drinks the water of life. I've seen alot of people say that Chani was going to let Paul die, that she had clearly already fallen out of love with him, which honestly I think I may have watched a different film to them. Personally I didn't see it as her not wanting to save him or her wanting to let him die, Chani was frantic from the moment she showed up there, she is scared and confused, we see her asking over and over what happened. My heart broke for her when she realised that he had drank the water, there is also that devastating moment when she thinks he is dead and you can see her start to tremble and crumble, there's pure pain in her eyes, so I'll never understand those with the view that she had fallen out of love with him at this point. After realising what he has done she then becomes angry at Jessica in particular, she doesn't understand Paul's own actions in drinking the water, we can see this by the way she keeps asking him why he would do it. But she knew that this was what Jessica wanted and that she had been scheming and manipulating to get her way, so Chani's anger is understandable and its why she tells Jessica to fix it because she sees her as the perpetrator in this. I think the point is that Jessica never gives Chani the opportunity to choose for herself, Chani is still trying to process what has happened and still trying to work through all the emotions she is feeling, I mean girl is understandably a mess, she's scared, confused, angry, and there are people there sprouting out nonsense about a prophecy that she doesn't believe in which is only making her angrier, of course she wasn't thinking straight. So no, I personally do not think she was going to let him die, I think she was just going through it. I also think it was terrible that she was forced into playing a part in this prophecy considering how she felt about it, also because when Paul wakes up he's not entirely the same person, so now Chani must feel like she played a part in destroying the man she loves and bringing forth this new person who seems like a stranger to her in many ways. As I said earlier she also doesn't understand his actions, why he drank the waters and I think this is largely something that causes her pain going forward to, every new action he takes hurts her because not only is he betraying her and going back on everything he had previously said to her but she doesn't understand why he is, for her this has come completely out of the blue.

Another opinion I see alot is that from the moment Paul wakes up he is dead in the eyes and that he is completely changed, that from that moment forward he never shows emotion again. This is another one where I don't entirely agree with it. I do think there is a hugely drastic change in Paul post drinking the water, obviously. I also agree that most of the time he looks dead in the eyes, like there's some kind of void there now, he seems very calculating and cold and yes most of the time emotionless. But I do think there are moments, very small moments, but glimpses of the old Paul that come through occasionally and almost every time we see these glimpses its in connection with Chani, the exception being when the Emperor says that Leto was a weak man. I also don't agree with the view that Paul was dead in the eyes the moment he woke up, that it was instant like that. The way I saw it was I thought he actually looked happy to see Chani, it reminded me alot of the few times we saw him have nightmares and he would immediately turn to see Chani, would seek out her comfort, I think its the same here, he wakes up and he's disorientated and the first thing he does is search for her, he sees her there and he hears her tell him she's there. You can see and feel her relief and when she hugs him to her, he wraps his arms around her too. She needs to know that he is ok and so she asks him and its so sad the way her voice shakes when she does because it shows just how scared she was. Once she realises that he is ok and her fear fades that's when her anger comes out full swing, especially when he says he's ok thanks to her because its that reminder of how she was forced into playing a part in the prophecy she hates, he knew how she hated her secret name because of the connection to the prophecy and so again it makes her angrier. So she slaps him and walks away. For me this is the moment when his eyes go dead and he becomes emotionless, as he is watching her walk away. We see him stand as everyone bows down to him and as he turns there is just this chillingly cold look in his eyes.

If Chani was angry after Paul drank the water, its nothing compared to how she feels after the war council. This is another instance when she is forced into doing things she doesn't want to, this time by Gurney, she goes to speak up and Gurney pulls her to the ground and tells her she'll get in trouble, she pulls her blade and goes towards Paul to intervene when the Fremen get upset at him talking without being a tribe leader and pull their weapons and again Gurney stops her. When everyone begins to bow down to Paul Gurney literally pulls her down so that she is bowing to him too. But I do think this is the moment where her heart begins to break, as upset as she was when he drank the water this moment is even more hurtful and even more of a betrayal. Not only is it clear that he is embracing the role of Mahdi in this moment and using her people to meet his own ends, but when he declares himself duke of arrakis he is putting himself above her in rank, he is no longer her equal, he is her duke and she and her people are his servants. This is what is heartbreaking to her and this is what feels like a betrayal because it comes back to that scene before they first kiss where he says he wants to be equal to her. Now he is betraying that.

I said earlier that throughout the first half of the film we saw alot of imagery of Paul and Chani side by side, this imagery of unity, but from the moment he drinks the water, we see the opposite, they are always at a distance from each other, she sees him walking through the crowd from a distance at the war council, when making the plan to attack the Emperor's ship they are sitting on opposite sides instead of next to each other, after the battle when they are gathered in the hall we see Chani look for him and sees him walking at a distance surrounded by his loyal followers. Despite this one thing remains the same and that is that they still seek each other out with their eyes, they still have these little moments where they're eyes meet and they seem to say something without actually talking.

One exception to this new distance we see between them is the very last scene where we see them talk to each other. It was actually only on a rewatch that I realised that these were the last lines they speak to each other and also the last line Chani says at all. When they are gathered in the hall and Paul has ordered for the prisoners to be brought in, we see him look to Chani and approach her. The last words she says to him are 'this isn't over yet.' Now obviously she's talking about the battle here, but I also like to think that she is talking about them too, despite everything she is still clinging to him and to them with a very thin thread at this point. It's very similar to the scene before they go south and its just as heartbreaking because once again Paul knows what he is about to do and knows its going to hurt her. So he tells her he'll love her as long as he breathes, and this line just felt like a knife to the heart, its so romantic and yet even as he says it you can feel that something is coming and like their last kiss it feels like a goodbye. I've seen some say that Paul was lying in this moment but for me I think the thing that makes it so tragic is that its the truth. At this point Paul has broken so many promises that he made to her, has betrayed her in so many ways and he knows he's about to make it worse, so he gives her this one last promise, one that he will not break. She might not believe him but despite that he needs to say it, he needs her to hear it. It's this one last moment of pure honesty and love between them. You can see that it means something to her as well, that despite how angry she is she still feels his words in that moment, we see it in the way she kind of gasps and tries not to let it overwhelm her.

But then comes that moment, the one where everything comes crumbling down as Paul says he'll take the princess' hand. I mean Zendaya's acting in this moment was phenomenal, I really did feel her pain and shock and anger. But I think the part that really hurts her isn't even him marrying another woman its the part where he says that he and the princess will rule over the empire together. Again it comes back to equality, Chani was Paul's equal and that was important to her, but here he is declaring himself a lord and he is making a move for the throne of the known universe, again putting himself in a position above Chani as well as a position of power over her and her people, on top of that by saying that he will rule with the princess he is essentially making another woman his equal in Chani's place, a woman who will also have power and control over Chani's own people. Of course this feels like a betrayal for her and of course this hurts her, I mean Chani looks like she almost wants to throw up in this moment she is so distressed by it, you see her pull her anger back up and at this point I really do think she is using her anger as a shield and as something to hide behind so that she doesn't have to confront the pain she is in.

Which brings me to the duel between Paul and Feyd. I really do think this fight shows just how deeply Paul still loves Chani and vice versa. There is that moment when Feyd knocks Paul down, its a hard enough knock that everyone around gasps and even Paul himself looks frightened, it almost looks like he is beat. But then Paul looks to Chani, I think this is for a couple of reasons, one being that if he is about to die then he wants to have one last look at her, another is because she is his source of strength and right now he needs that in order to continue the fight. But this look draws Feyd's attention and he realises the connection between Paul and Chani. Feyd's biggest mistake is turning his attention to Chani, calling her Paul's pet. You can see the disgust on Chani's face here, I think it still hurts even if its not Paul's view, it's again highlighting their difference in station, Paul's a duke of a great house, she's his pet, its degrading. But this comment makes Paul angry too. This is another reason why I argue against the view that Paul is emotionless post drinking the water because in this moment you can see the emotion in his eyes as he stares Feyd down. Its pure fiery rage and protectiveness. Watching Feyd approach Chani is what gives Paul the strength to get back up and as he moves towards Feyd you can see his anger growing. If Feyd hadn't turned his attention to Chani and taunted Paul then Feyd may have been able to beat him. We see Paul thump his chest twice and you know that he's out for blood now. When Feyd does stab him we see Paul again look to Chani, drawing that strength from her, when Feyd is pushing the emperor's blade towards Paul and he is trying to stop it with his hand, its just such a tense and horrifying scene to watch, but Paul bares the pain of that blade slicing through his hand because he knows what is at stake, because when he looked at her the first time he exposed her to Feyd, who turned his attention to her, if Paul dies now then that means leaving Chani vulnerable to Feyd and there is no telling what Feyd would do to her, the fact that he called her a pet shows that he doesn't see her as human so you know it wouldn't be anything pleasant. Which means for Paul dying is now no longer an option, his main priority is keeping Chani safe, its why he drank the water and became the Mahdi in the first place. Its the threat to Chani that gives Paul the strength to defeat Feyd. There is also something symbolic about the fact that its the same crysknife that Chani gave him before his fight with Jamis that he uses to kill Feyd, a crysknife that was already covered in his own blood.

It's also clear throughout this whole duel that Chani still cares for Paul, we see it in her reaction when he is stabbed, that fear that he will die, that she'll have to watch him die, also she must be thinking, on some level, about the first time she saw him fight, right after they first met, the parallels between the two duels are so clear. The relief she shows when he kills Feyd, the way she lets out the breath she was holding and the way she trembles, its clear that she is still in love with him. There's also a moment where after pulling the knife from his shoulder Paul looks at her and her gaze just softens and she once again looks at him with tenderness. But when the emperor finally kneels to him and everyone (but irulan and jessica) follows suit, Chani refuses to. Her anger is back and she refuses to bow to him, to recognise him as someone who is above her, she will not see him as anything but her equal. She also won't follow him down this path, won't support this action and so she leaves. That last look between them is so loaded, so complex and fill of so many different emotions. Paul is looking at her with such longing and sadness and Chani is staring back at him with defiance and anger. Then he has to watch her leave, she's a part of him, a part of his soul and he has to watch her leave. He doesn't take his eyes off her until she is completely out of sight and then he looks down and closes his eyes as if he's never been in this much pain before. Something else that is so tragic about this scene is how it mirrors but is opposite to the one in part 1 that I talked about above. The one where after his duel with Jamis we see him walking towards Chani, now he has once again become champion in a duel, but this time Chani is walking away from him.

I think the thing that is so tragic about their love story was how hard they tried to cling to each other, from halfway through the film you can feel the end coming for them, they are battling against all these external forces that are bigger than the two of them and yet they still love each other, they really did fight as hard as they could to be together. Even when he makes the grab for power, he loves her, even when she walks away, she loves him. Even at the end they are still deeply in love with each other but they've been forced onto different paths, because the world made choices for them. Honestly thinking about it too hard makes me want to cry. Maybe I am being too optimistic here but I am going to take some hope that their last lines to each other 'its not over yet' and 'I'll love you as long as I breathe' means that they will find their way back to each other somehow.

I don't think I have ever come across a movie couple that has such a well written and heartbreaking story as these two, but as much as I could continue to waffle on about them this post is past ridiculously long, honestly if you have read to the end of this, I am impressed and very grateful, so thank you. But yeah that is my very long thought dump on Paul and Chani, if you can't tell yet they've completely wrecked me.

[aroacedm]

AITL (am I the loser) for killing a mass murderer and a would-be mass murderer and lying about it? :(

So, I was teaching this kid because he reminded me of myself and I didn’t want him to go down the same road I did, which is filled with stab wounds. But that’s not relevant :D !!!

Oh some maybe relevant information is that this kid is the prince of the kingdom that massacred mine… :\  But that was like 500 years ago its not relevant anymore :)

There is a noble boy (we can call him al) who is the last mortal descendant of my family, and he is friends with the prince (we can call him L). L really values Al’s friend ship :)

There are some survivors from my old country, and most live in this new one in a specific district and face lots of discrimination :( but the prince wants to end that because he believes if he can be friends with someone from the old land, everyone can! (he is very idealistic but has amazing morals :D )  the surviving nobles from the old country are not very happy, but haven’t caused any trouble.

No one else knows I am the old prince from the old country, they don’t know anything about me. I am very cold and strict when teaching :[. I got the job because I saved L’s life when he was young by attacking kidnappers with a stick. L’s parents saw how skilled I was (not trying to brag :( but I have trained with swords for hundreds of years) and hired me to teach L.

It is L’s 18th birthday and his family is holding a feast. I chose not to go because I became immortal on my 17thand after I was banished (oh yeah ive been banished from heaven twice they don’t really like me but that’s fine :D) the year I would have turned 18 if I aged, I was stabbed 100 times within around an hour, my only two friends ever left me (it was my fault F and M if you are reading this) and my parents committed suicide. I was struggling with my experiences so I chose not to go to not make everyone else feel bad because of my behaviour. :(

I heard a commotion after a while so I rushed over to try and help, but I saw Al in a bloodstained room stabbing the king, L’s dad. L was no where in sight. Al ran, and I went to the king to try and help him. He told me Al did this, and everyone from the old kingdom will die for his actions. He was done for, there was no chance he would survive the day, but I still couldn’t let this happen. I stabbed him to prevent a genocide. L came in and thought I did everything. I didn’t correct him because I knew I deserved it. He ran off probably to alert others and I went to confront Al. I revealed who I actually was, and he attempted to get me to help him kill all of the people living in the country, including L. I used a method on him to make his organs dissolve and no mark to be left on him and I knew he would die shortly. 

I decided to let L fight me, but made it extremely easy for him to win. I let him believe I was dead, and he buried me in a 3 layer coffin with a stake through my heart (overkill :\) I waited for about 50 years so he wouldn’t be checking if I was dead. I knew I could easily push the stone away but apparently 50 years of no sun or movement makes you really weak. I was in there for about 100 years total but managed to escape eventually :)

You may be asking why this is relevant anymore, and that’s because L confronted me after realising I was his teacher (I’ve ascended again and this was in front of most gods). I said I did it in front of the emperor of heaven and he confined me to house arrest (idk why I wasn’t banished I asked to be) then my very close friend came and broke in to rescue me :D.

Lots of stuff happened but now everyone knows I didn’t actually kill everyone, and is angry that I falsely confessed. Some people are mad that I killed anyone, even if it was to prevent genocide. Am I in the wrong here? It was a split second decision to stop a racially targeted war, but I still feel guilty as the king was trying to improve relations between the people before the feast.

TLDR: My selfishly putting my bad memories over celebration caused me to not be able to stop a massacre. So I killed a guy to stop genocide and the person who did it who was planning to do it again. Then I lied and said I’d done all of it.

[ingravinoveritas]

You know what's kind of wild to me? Anna just confirmed they've been together for 6 years. People forget she's still 29, and isn't 30 yet. So they met when she was still 23. Not hugely different from 25, but notable I think. Idk where the narrative that she was 25 came from and how that stuck.

Hi there! So I am still catching up on Asks, and I wanted to make sure I addressed these (grouped together due to similar themes). For those who might not have seen, what is being referred to are two separate incidents that occurred in the days after Anna posted the t-shirt story on Instagram. On Tuesday, she posted this story lashing out at a Swedish publication for sharing a story originally from a UK publication (The Independent) about Michael's answer to the age gap question on The Assembly. The story was originally in Swedish, but the English translation is on the right:

Then on Wednesday, she did the same thing again, this time with another Swedish paper:

Since so much of this hinges on what Michael said in his response, I will post a short clip of that here, so we have the visual:

When AL's stories were first posted, I noticed a few comments on a post from @nightgoodomens from someone who speaks Swedish, and after reading the article, their observation was that all the magazines did was literally translate what Michael said, word for word (which we can then also further confirm by watching the video above).

So Michael's words were translated directly, and on top of that, Anna was not tagged by these papers, or contacted by reporters "for comment"--she seemingly sought out these news stories and shared them on her own social media. What's strange is that most of us would never have even seen them otherwise, and yet she chose to draw attention to them. And if these articles truly are meaningless clickbait, I'm confused as to why Anna would lash out so hard at them, especially if she feels as secure in her and Michael's relationship as she has wanted us to believe.

The other thing for me is that the one voice that is (again) noticeably absent here is Michael's. Nearly every post Michael has responded to/shared in relation to The Assembly was about a moment between him and one of the interviewers, Leo. Not only has the clip of Michael's answer to the age gap question gotten much less circulation/attention than the initial clip of the girl asking him the question, he has not said a single word about it since the show aired on April 5th.

He has especially not said anything about being misquoted (either in UK magazines/newspapers or international ones). And this becomes even more glaring when you realize that Michael immediately jumped on someone Twitter the day before AL shared that first story and corrected them for misquoting him (in regard to his comments about Welsh actors and Welsh roles). So it's very clear that if Michael thought he was being misquoted, there is no reason why he wouldn't speak up about it. And yet...complete silence.

I also find it interesting that for months, Michael was being attacked on social media, first in the aftermath of his comments about the situation in the Middle East, then more recently after recording a video saying hello to Good Omens fans in Russia. In both cases, he was defamed over and over again, accused of supporting war and genocide, and in general had his comments twisted and distorted beyond recognition--in other words, he was repeatedly misquoted (to put it mildly). Not once did Anna defend him against any of this. Not once was there an Insta story or anything speaking up in support of Michael. But as soon as it was something about her/their relationship, here she was posting these stories and letting us know exactly what her priorities are.

To your comments @lookforthelight97 about AL inadvertently saying the quiet parts out loud, that was also something that caught my attention. We could be here all day talking about the narrative and who is trying to change what, but for those who don't know, the narrative of her being 25 came from every media outlet stating that Michael and AL met in May of 2019...despite the fact that she gave birth to Lyra just four months later, in September.

It was this discrepancy that gave a lot of us the feeling that something was off even back in 2019 (and I would urge folks to check out @problematicwelshman, who covered a lot more of this at the time). In actuality, Michael and AL would have had to have met in late 2018 (when Anna was actually 24, as her birthday is in August) for her to then become pregnant and have the baby in September. All of this to say that if the official PR line for the last five years has been that they met in 2019, it makes you wonder why AL is suddenly publicly contradicting it, especially to show the lack of contentment she seems to feel about the relationship even after five (pardon me, six) years.

In any case, my incredulity is and continues to be at AL so readily showing her insecurities in this way, because all these two Insta stories have done is to draw more attention to her response than to the articles that are mentioned. Articles that again, none of us would have known about if she hadn't shared them. Yet as was said above, I don't think there is anything that anyone could post or write that casts doubt on Michael and AL's relationship the way her own social media posts do.

And to what you @vaguelyomens and @angelsadvocate96 said about Michael mentioning that his greatest fear is being alone, I feel like maybe Michael has such a fear of being alone because he already knows what it's like to feel alone. To know deep down that you are not remotely on the same page as the person you're in a relationship with. To know that they don't understand you and never will, but feeling responsible for them nonetheless, and not knowing how to reconcile those two things. It's difficult to imagine anything that would make someone feel more alone than that.

So, those are my thoughts on the Insta stories AL shared earlier this week. As I have said before, I know that I could be completely wrong, and I'm happy for folks to share their perspective, whether you agree or disagree. A heck of a lot to think about, for sure...

[saltineofswing]

ANOTHER EARTH, FILE 003 – KILLER MOTH

And Here We Find That Most Noble of Nature's Creatures... The Moth

Providing a service to all the people on the internet who think that Killer Moth should wear thigh-high boots. That's, like, everybody, right?

Writeup & gadgets below.

Each page of the file above has its script in the alt text for the image! I thought this would be a fun way to spruce up the write-ups. They won't all be this long, but the format I chose for this gimmick gives me a lot of room to run. Plus, this one is a pretty dramatic deviation from baseline. If you are a Drury Walker fan... I'm sorry for what I did to your boy.

I just thought it would make a really cool concept to bring Killer Moth back to his roots as a Batman hard counter – long before Hush, or Prometheus, or Wrath, or any 'a those fucking jabronis. And I thought, what better way to do that than to mirror Bruce's life experience? What if Cameron Van Cleer never got retconned into Drury Walker? What if Cameron Van Clear had a son?

I mostly go over that in the file above. What I will tell you here, is that I originally did this design for him to appear as an 'NPC' in my fiancé's superhero tabletop campaign (the one with Visage, also ultimately the genesis for me starting the Another Earth project). It is sort of a beautiful risotto of all our favorite superhero genre tropes, settings, and characters.

I wanted to swing his costume all the way in the opposite direction from the unserious throw-up of jumbled colors and patterns (which I love) – make it melodramatic and 'intimidating', which I think becomes goofy in its own way.

I gave the character some traits that I feel make him more of an 'anti-Batman' than, like, Hush or Prometheus or the Joker; Batman's 'Dark Mirrors' tend to just boil down to 'this guy is CRAZY and he's JUST as CLEVER as BATMAN, but he KILLS PEOPLE!' I don't really feel that's an 'Anti-Batman', though, it's just a crazy guy who is super clever and kills people.

This version of Killer Moth shares Bruce's core 'dead parent' motive and 'wealth allowed him access to high-level training' means, but where Bruce is selfless and brave but violent, angry, self-destructive, Cameron is not at his core a violent person; he takes good care of himself; and he is highly pragmatic and will usually bail when things get too tough.

Cameron killed the man who killed his father, and in doing so he achieved closure for himself; Bruce couldn't do that, and so he will never know whether or not it would give him peace. Ironically I think that Cameron is probably more stable than any of the 'Anti-Batmans'. All this isn't quite a job to him, it's more like a priority hobby he is very passionate about (running CleerCorp is his 'job', which he takes seriously – again, where Bruce doesn't even really engage with the management of Wayne Enterprises beyond where it can serve his needs as Batman). Making him a businessman who believes in the idea that the cape community is a market system unto itself, and therefore requires balance on both sides, was a cool way to justify him being sort of morally flexible... again, mirroring Bruce's moral rigidity.

Five songs off of my Killer Moth playlist:

I'm Designer – Queens of the Stone Age

Mojo – Peeping Tom

Dog Eat Dog – Weird Al

Madcap – clipping.

Do Not Go Quietly Unto Your Grave – Morphine

Next... how about somebody who ain't in the Batfamily, huh?

[potterheadlovespotter]

Revenge.

Harry sat by the window, watching the birds fly freely in the vast sky. Albus, his younger son had asked him and his wife if Revenge was the right thing to do. Ginny had hesitated, told him it depended on the circumstances, but his son's further proddings had forced him to think.

Was it right?

The term revenge made him think about a young boy. He had grown without love, always with the feeling that he didn't belong. He wanted greater things in life, he wanted power. Immortality.

He wasn't insane since birth, no, but revenge had driven him to that route.

His revenge for his dead isolated mother. His mother who had been left by the man whose kid she was carrying.

He killed his father, his grandparents....and took his revenge.

But...why? The thought struck Harry after years. Did he actually cared? Harry didn't knew, he would never.

But the man, Tom Marvolo Riddle, had ended up insane. Obsessed with murder. Obsessed with his thirst for being immortal.

Harry didn't knew why Albus had asked about revenge. It was a sunny afternoon, Harry and his family were enjoying the sun near a nearby lake when his middle one had stared into the space, and suddenly had asked about revenge.

The word also reminded Harry of himself. How he was once driven to get over with Voldemort just to take revenge for his parents. For everyone Voldemort had killed without a valid reason, for every family he had broken apart.

But...he hadn't ended up like Voldemort, had he? He didn't grew obsessed with murder.

But the thought had troubled him for a long time after the war had ended.

"Harry, you are nothing like him. You chose right and he chose wrong. You have something he can never dream of having, you have love. You have people ready to die for you. You have me. You have a future worth living for." Ginny had comforted him during the long restless nights.

He didn't knew if she had been saying the truth, or if she had been just saying things. But he had accepted it. Back then.

Thinking about it now, as it resurfaced at the front of his mind, it wasn't like he wasn't nothing like Tom. He was so much like him....just with a miniscule of a difference. Love. Did it really matter? He wondered.

He caught himself before he could ponder further, he was overthinking again. Distracting himself on what was important at the moment. He wanted to give his son a response. A response which won't be morally right but be the truth. But frankly, he himself didn't knew.

Sometimes, he even wondered how Albus, who was barely 8, thought about such stuff. His questions always were a challenge, and no matter how annoyed Harry might act, he always loved his son's curiousity. No matter what the topic was.

Harry let out a breath, running a hand through his hair and leaning back in chair. Thinking.

Revenge wasn’t a simple thing—it wasn’t just right or wrong. It was a choice. And choices made people.

He wasn’t like Tom because he hadn’t let revenge consume him. He had fought, yes. He had wanted justice, yes. But he hadn’t let it define him.

Maybe that was the answer.

That night, when he put Albus to bed, he leant down on the floor, looking in the eyes that were his own, just passed down onto his son.

"Remember your question about revenge from before, Al?" He asked softly.

The green eyes dulled even in the dim light, a small frown on the younger boy's face. "The one mum brushed off?"

Harry smiled. "Precisely. But you know, dear, her answer wasn't completely wrong."

Albus tilted his head, looking at his father. "Do you have the answer, dad? Is revenge the right thing?"

Harry sighed a soft sigh, not quite sure how to put his thoughts into words. "I can only give my opinion."

"I am all ears."

Harry chuckled. "Who taught you that phrase? Hermione?"

"Yeah, now tell me."

Harry sighed again. "Revenge, I believe, is right only if it is selfless."

"How can it be selfless?"

Albus had a point, he knew that. "Selfless...might not be the right work, alright." Harry admitted in a quiet voice. "But I mean, when it is not only for yourself, but for others too."

"I don't understand." Albus said softly, his voice tinged with guilt as if upset he didn't understood.

"Well, let me give you an example." Harry said. "A sixteen year old killed his father and grandparents for revenge of his mother. She had been abandoned by his father before he was born. But she never desired a revenge. And that revenge only benefited him, but made him insane. Revenges like that....I don't think are right. Meanwhile, there was another boy, related to the first guy. His parents had been killed by the first guy, and he took his revenge, and killed the first guy. But it wasn't only for his parents, it was for numerous people who he had killed...for fun." Harry paused. "I am talking about me and Voldemort."

Albus gasped but didn't comment. Harry rarely talked about Voldemort, and it was as if it was a taboo.

"I understand now what you are trying to say." Albus whispered, his voice low and soft, almost comforting. "But dad...can I ask another question?"

Harry chuckled, Albus and his questions. "Go on."

"Why don't you talk about Voldemort more often?"

Albus question, once again, left Harry taken aback. But he decided to answer anyways. "I don't want to pressure your or your siblings' minds with the traumas me and your mother had to go through, but...believe me Al, the night before you go to Hogwarts, we will sit here, and I will tell you everything I know about Voldemort, and his deeds that I know about. But he is gone, alright? Don't worry about him."

Albus nodded, knowing well enough to not push Harry further. He yawned.

Harry chuckled again, "It's late. You should get some sleep, champ, or your mum will kill me for keeping you up till so late."

"Okay." Albus said with a little laugh, "Goodnight, Dad. I love you."

Harry's heart melted just a little. "I love you too, Albus." He pressed a kiss on his forehead. "I always will."

"Even if I turn bad?"

Harry froze for a second. "I have faith you won't."

Albus looked almost scared for a mome. "But I don't trust myself enough."

Harry sighed, inviting his son for a hug. "Don't press it." Harry said as the little boy hugged him. "You are still young and if you were to turn bad, I will always be here to correct your mistakes....no matter how much you hate me for it. And I will always love you. So, don't worry your little head."

[obessed-with-fictional-men]

oh my sweet Gale

I will admit, the very first run through of this game i found Gale annoying, pushy, dumped trauma everywhere, narcissistic in his knowledge of magic, and the need to prove how right his in in the subject. I often found myself thinking and saying out loud "omg shut up"..... buuuuut... having romanced him...... i found that his personality traits are the exact same as someone born as a child prodigy, had his ego inflated, alienated by everyone around him, and made to think he was superior by someone higher up just to then land on his ass.

I wont go through what i think of his character development because each play through is different, and for each player its different... but this is what i think of him over all.

Gale doesn't know how to talk to people. He doesn't have social queues that almost everyone else picks up on. Gale has spent, up till the tadpole, the exception in a lot of the situations he was put into and thus it became his default personality. Yes, for those of us who have romanced him (keeps romancing him) we see someone haunted by their past choices and watch him grow. We see the nerd that he is, but this is more about the potential Gale before we meet him. So bare with me.

He was a child prodigy and put into a prestigious school where he flourished. I can only image how his professors loved him and his fellow students less than enthusiastic response. You know what happens when you become the teachers pet? You become ostracized by your fellow peers. You know what happens when you are really good at something that usually takes A LOT of practice for others? You either get used or don't make friends. Gale has had ONE story that involved other people and it didn't involve friends, he was at a bar and defused a brawl with ale. He has openly admitted to Tara being his only real friend.

Now this isn't to say Gale never had to work at his magic or arcane knowledge to get him to where he is in the game when he first meet him. He was an archmage and the chosen of Mystera, but his innate ability to wield it as a young boy is what got Mystera's attention. Gale has stated that she was his teacher first, then his muse and finally his lover. You can only imagine how special he felt when Mystera chose him to be his guiding hand..... and then to be a lover? I don't care who you are..... That shit would have to inflate your ego. That shit would make you feel like you were SOOO much better than your fellow peers. You would have those toxic thoughts and comments of "yeah, well Mystera chose me! So who needs friends/criticism/physical lovers/ect". What do you typically do when you catch the attention of someone you highly regard? You try to impress them and do what you can to be even more impressive! So Gale's ambition grew to newer heights. I cant imagine what Mystera poisoned his mind with while they were together. Like, i get she told him to just be content with the things were.... but come on Mystera... you couldn't have expected him to stop striving to be better with a simple "nah, you're cool how you are. you don't need to be my equal". Not when the poor man has spent the last 2 decades of his life striving to be the best. His most important years for growth and development have been spent on trying to impress others.

Gale learns of a way to possibly convince Mystera to allow him into her domain and it gets a carnivorous orb shoved into his chest, dumped, stripped of his titles and holed up in his tower without nary a reason why. That had to be the biggest blow he has ever received in his entire life. His act of what he believed to be a sure fire way into getting what he wanted ended up taking almost everything away from him. If it wasn't for Tara, i'm sure Waterdeep would have succumbed his to orbs blight. The man locked himself in his tower and turned away all his colleagues and family.

So imagine, you are this lonely person... squirreled away from others and any social interaction. No one to talk to except your pet *sorry Tara* and all of a sudden you find yourself on a ship.... with a parasite in your brain and then your thrust into an adventure with a bunch of strangers. You have this orb in your chest that could blow at any time and you cant really explain WHY you need magical items.... but that if you don't get them.... everyone is in trouble.... you find your group facing monsters and doing weird ass side quests.... and at any given opportunity, you like to drop a knowledge bomb on the group.... just to find that some of the group members don't like your input... or don't listen at all.. which doesn't sit well with you. You've been told how right you are for like... 20 years... You haven't been given many acts of kindness since becoming an adult, what with your abrasive "im more knowledgeable in everything and i've slept with a goddess" personality, so when you see your fearless leader doing something nice, you approve. You grown to trust this leader enough to tell them the truth.... knowing full well they may turn on you, but they don't! You continue to watch them, and share moments of magic with them, you fight along side them, and what is this? Are you starting to develop feelings for them? Are they reciprocating these feelings?

He gets a death sentence slapped on his back and these new budding feelings he has for you need to be made known. What better way than to show you how much you mean to him than to literally paint the sky in the weave for you. To take away the Shadow-lands curse and SHOW you something better. He thinks 'the most perfect night would have to be some place im comfortable and vulnerable.... so that i can SHOW them. This is me, Gale. This is my whole world and at the center of it, my very heart'. he is literally showing you who he is. he is this studious... lonely man.. who sits in front of his fire place reading and researching... or out on his terrace watching the sunset with a book. Like, do you accept this version of me that you have not seen yet? *Not to mention the weave/ astral projected 3 gale gang bang you get while spinning through the cosmos. He is such a show off... or he just isnt confident in his own physical/ mortal ability to woo and wow*

To watch Gale throughout my few play throughs grow as a person and learn that having to much ambition can oft lead to ruin... and watch him change to just be content with himself as he is... i get a lot of comfort from it. I haven't gone down the God route yet, nor have i tried to make him more villainous, but who knows lol.

I have a lot thoughts on pre-tadpoled Gale and how his life up to that point made him who he is when we are first introduced to him. Gale is definitely my comfort character.

Sorry for the rant... or maybe im not. Once again... these are my thoughts from my multiple play throughs.

[alastor-and-adam]

well I can't wait for the baby shower

Baby Shower at the Hotel — Late Afternoon

The room was decorated perfectly. Alastor had gone above and beyond with the theme: miniature guitars dangled from black and red streamers, the cake was shaped like a skull with headphones, and the buffet table was stacked high with smoked brisket, spiced wings, and his new pride and joy—Cajun-seasoned ribs made just for Adam. A little onesie on display read “Born to Rock.”

Alastor stood by the door with a hopeful smile, watching the clock. Adam, seated on a comfy recliner with a plate of ribs on his belly, glanced up every time the door creaked. But it was always the wind. Or nothing at all.

Adam: *chewing slowly* You outdid yourself, babe… food’s amazing.

Alastor: *muttering, eyes still trained on the door* It should be. I infused it with three kinds of paprika and a whisper of actual soul spice.

He chuckled quietly, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Alastor: Even Husker would’ve sold a kidney for this brisket…

Adam said nothing. He just sat there, rubbing his stomach slowly, his appetite fading despite the food.

Evelyn was waddling around, hiding under the tables and just seemingly enjoying the new stuff everywhere.

It was getting darker outside.

Another hour passed…and then another.

Evelyn had fallen asleep, sucking her thumb on the couch.

Still, no one came.

Alastor: *quietly, as he began packing away unopened party favors* Perhaps… something came up. Emergencies. Double bookings. You know how it can be! Angel can be forgetful. And Rosie is... very busy. Yes. Busy.

Adam: *rising from the chair with a sigh, grabbing an empty plate* You don’t have to pretend for me.

Alastor: *voice cracking* I’m not pretending—! *stops himself, jaw tight* I… I just thought… I wanted today to be perfect for you.

Adam: *placing a hand on his shoulder* It was perfect. Even if it’s just us.

Alastor: *swallowing hard, whispering* But it wasn’t supposed to be ‘just us.’

The silence between them was deafening. Adam helped gather the uneaten food while Alastor boxed up decorations with trembling fingers.

The room was dim now, the only light coming from the flickering sign outside the hotel window. Once everything was packed up, the only thing that lingered was silence — heavier than before.

Alastor now sat on the edge of a couch, his fingers knit tightly in his lap, his usually sharp posture slumped. His smile—so often a mask—was nowhere to be found. He looked… lost. Evelyn was sleeping beside him, unaware of the sadness in the room.

Adam finished putting the food away. He walked over, slower now, belly prominent beneath his worn band tee. He sat beside him, on the other side of Alastor, letting out a tired exhale before leaning slightly into his side.

Adam: *softly* You worked so hard on this, Al. I appreciate it!

Alastor: *voice strained* I thought… I truly believed they’d come. I know I’m not the most beloved creature, but… *he looks down, fidgeting with his sleeve* I wanted them to celebrate you. To show you you’re loved. That you matter.

Adam blinked at him, the pain in his eyes matching his husband’s.

Adam: *gently takes Alastor’s hands* Hey… I don’t need a room full of people to know that. I already know I’m loved.

Alastor: *bitter laugh* Do you, after what I did while I was human? After hurting Evelyn—after the things I said to you?

Adam: Yeah. I do *reaches out and cups Alastor’s jaw gently, turning his face toward him* Because I know that wasn’t you. Not really. And even if it was some part of you, I chose you. All of you. Flaws and all.

Alastor’s eyes welled up, and he bit his lip to keep it from trembling.

Alastor: I forgot how to feel disappointed like this. It’s been so long since I expected anything at all.

Adam: *smiles gently* That’s what hope does. It leaves the door open for pain. But it also means you care.

Alastor leaned into Adam suddenly, burying his face into his shoulder with an unsteady breath. It startled Adam, but he didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around him, holding tight.

Alastor: *muffled* I just wanted today to be happy.

Adam: It still can be. You’ve got me, ribs, and a baby who keeps kicking me in the bladder.

Evelyn, still sleeping, making a few kicks into the back of the couch before settling.

Adam: And another baby who seems to be kicking the cushions.

That earned a faint laugh from Alastor, breathy and wet.

Adam: And tomorrow, we eat leftover brisket and ribs in bed while watching horror flicks and judging baby clothes online. Sounds like a celebration to me.

Alastor: *sniffles* That does sound nice.

[sunbloomdew]

Love Confessions in the Baxter DLC

The sequel! Monochrome obsession continues. Part 2/3

Part 1 "The Wedding Confession"

Welcome, or hello again! I played the Baxter DLC a couple of times and I like it a lot, so I wanted to ramble about some of my favourite parts. Specifically about love confessions in Baxter’s version of Step 4, because they are all very well written and make me feel good :3

Reading the first part of this "series" isn't necessary, the introduction is just a bit more thorough in the first post. Furthermore if you've read the first part it might seem like i'm repeating myself with certain points, since those moments share some similarities and i like to be meticulous.

It is time for the second confession and the last one that can be initiated by the player. If you don’t confess here and pick an option in which MC expresses hope of Baxter returning their feelings, you will later reach the moment where Baxter asks MC out himself. This confession is my personal favourite, so prepare for me losing my mind over every single detail.

Spoilers for Baxter DLC!

The confessions all happen after the wedding ceremony, so if you hadn't played to this point yet, i recommend skipping this post (and maybe coming back later, if you wanna chat about them with me)! I may not bring up every single line, but i think this post still covers a good part of what happens.

I call this confession, The Morning Confession, because it takes place on the morning after the wedding! Simple name but it does the job.

There is also another reason for this name, but i'll get to it later.

The wedding is over and most stuff had been cleaned up. MC returns with Baxter to his apartment, after accepting his invitation to stay with him until they have to come back to their home. The two have finally reunited and they aren’t ready to part ways yet.

During that evening, MC and Baxter share a moment by the fireplace in the lobby of the building. I wanted to dedicate some time to this moment, because I think it’s a valuable context to the confession. And aside from providing insight into the mind of Baxter Ward, I love the way it’s written. So sue me, i wanna talk about it.

Despite the fact that they have reconciled, Baxter’s reasoning behind his actions still isn’t fully clear to MC. While being in the company of other people made the lingering unease between them bearable, it still remains. They can't act casually, as if nothing had happened, as if the years hadn’t been lost. So Baxter offers to clarify his point of view. “As sorry as I am, I don’t think I’ve been as open as I could have been” he says and well, that is the truth.

If the player chose to confess to Baxter before this conversation, this moment provides a deeper understanding of the character and explains his reluctance to accept the confession.

It is here by a fireplace – a fitting spot for another personal conversation, considering the duo's shared history – that Baxter reveals his innermost thoughts and fears. At his core, he believes he doesn’t contribute anything to any relationship, because he can't see his own value. And to him, if he doesn’t add anything, then he has no right to form and be in deep, mutually supportive relationships.

Baxter convinced himself that he doesn’t matter. That his only worth is in the entertainment he can provide or the help he can give. In his own words, he doesn’t know what it means to be significant to a person, just by being yourself. Which is why he doesn’t let people get close to him. He assumes that upon finding out that there is nothing more to him, they will leave. So it’s better to not let anybody get to know him, that way no one can be disappointed by his “true” self. He is unable to see that none of that is true because deep down, he thinks he is worthless as a person.

Those feelings about himself are something that have influenced Baxter’s decisions about relationships with other people, for example with Xavier. As the baker reveals later, they always felt that if Baxter had no reason to contact them again, he wouldn't. He kept himself away from others and believed that every connection he makes isn’t meant to last.

Still, Baxter wanted to create bonds with other people. And it terrified him.

He wanted to have that with MC, but he was too afraid to take that chance five years ago. It couldn't have worked out back then. Baxter had his assumptions about himself and others, and he held onto them strongly. It’s sad, but there was no way to make him change his ways back then. He was set on leaving no matter what would have happened.

This Baxter is different from the 19 year old who put his comfort above all else. During that conversation by the fireplace he is being vulnerable in ways he never allowed himself to be before. He tells MC that he missed them over those five years. That they made him feel wanted that summer, and as incredible as it felt, he couldn’t believe it would last. He makes it clear that it wasn’t any of MC’s actions that made him feel that way - he applied this mindset to every connection he made at that time.

It’s incredibly sad to witness his thoughts out in the open like that. I think Baxter’s struggles are something most of us can relate to in some way. Low self-esteem can make people withdraw from social situations and spiral into self-hatered. It’s terrible, to be so wrapped up in disliking yourself that you assume that nobody could ever like you. That you have no good qualities as a person, so you have to make up for them somehow. It can feel like it'll stay this way forever, and so there is no point in trying to connect with others.

However that is not true. In the end, Baxter came to understand this as well. He is worthy of love and friendship. He grew and learned from his past mistakes, and so can we.

He apologises to MC once again, and expresses deep regret over not staying in contact with them. And at last, MC can say that they actually know Baxter Alexander Ward.

I think this moment is really beautiful. It’s an apology without excuses, that provides an explanation. Baxter never had malicious intentions, but even so, his actions had hurt people who cared for him (and who he cared about), so he owns up to his mistakes and does his best to correct them.

Aside from being a really good moment of taking accountablity and being vulnerable with another person this conversation also sets the mood for the morning confession. The air is finally cleared. These two characters can finally show how much they value each other because there is mutual understanding and trust between them again. It will take some time to get to know each other after so long, but they are willing to try, and they know they can be honest.

After a day full of emotional revelations, Baxter and MC finally head to bed. Not only the characters, but the players can take a breath and prepare for what’s to come. And boy are we in for a treat.

The next day arrives and the players are given an option to sleep in as much as they want. What time MC wakes up will have an effect on dialogues and is one of the many examples of how the game lets us customize the protagonist however we want, even in the silliest ways. It is something i deeply appreciate about the Our Life series. The comfort level also changes the lines, for example MC's response to Baxter greeting them in the morning.

Eventually the sleeping beauty wakes up and the pair moves to the living room. Despite sleeping in for a while Baxter is still out of it and it’s so adorable (he's just like me fr).

I think the tone set for the confession is lovely. The atmosphere in the morning is relaxing and light and to me it feels like this is exactly what those characters needed. A new day has arrived, not only literally but figuratively for their relationship. There is no negative tension in the air, just the feeling of peace. They are clearly enjoying each other's company and it's great to finally have that again.

This is only my opinion, but the way this moment feels is exactly why i like it more than the wedding confession. The previous confession is meant to feel rushed, high on emotions and full of determination to declare the feelings right away. MC feels like they have to be upfront about their feelings in that moment so they confess. I do enjoy this type of tension, but i simply prefer this kind of setting. As much as i love convincing Baxter to truly express his feelings by shooting down the reasons not to date him (it's so intense and dramatic! absolutely amazing) i find that i like this quiet admission of feelings more.

While it might not be that intense as the moment right after the wedding, there is still this nagging feeling that urges MC not to wait any longer. They love that they are included in this private corner of Baxter's life and they wish they could have been before. It's this feeling of not wanting to lose any more time, that makes them think about confessing then and there.

And so, the player is presented with a choice:

It is time to confess! Hallelujah.

Just like in the wedding confession we can pick the way we want to confess - with words or with a gesture. If we pick the third option you lose the chance to confess yourself. Instead Baxter will do this when the time comes.

Upon choosing one of the ways to confess, MC has the same internal monologue they do in the wedding confession. I've already shared my thoughts about it in the previous post, but i'll just say here that it's a very nice scene. They reminisce about their relationship with Baxter as a whole, eventually coming to the conclusion, that they can hold on to him.

After the monologue ends, the player has a chance to reaffirm their decision, as they did in the previous confession.

If you back out, MC thinks that they can be together just not in the way they'd want to. They are afraid of confessing, in case they ruin what they just got back and make Baxter run away.

But, if you reaffirm your decision, you get my personal favourite confession scene. Let's get right into it!

I mentioned in Part 1 that Baxter reacts to MC's silence, as they reminisce about their relationship. I find it a little funny when i imagine them just sitting in silence and staring intensely for a while. Kinda like when magical girls have their transformations and the bad guys don't do anything to interrupt them. MC monologuing definitely gives off the same energy. Writing inner monologues is tricky like that.

During the wedding confession Baxter is anxious and worried, waiting to receive MC's verdict. Do they welcome him back to their life? Or do they reject him (even though there is no such option in the game)?. It's stressful and the prolonged silence makes Baxter slowly come back to his usual behaviour to protect himself, in case his vulnerability was the wrong move.

This isn't the case here. His reaction is wildly different. There is no tension or stress, just curiosity and anticipation. Instead of being nervous he is very smug, clearly knowing or at least suspecting what MC is thinking about. I gotta say, when i first picked this option i was stunned. I did NOT expect him to act in this way, but it was a pleasant surprise. Mr. Ward is very perceptive and i love this confident attitude of his.

MC asks him what is on his mind, and he comes back to reality. Baxter encourages them to continue, but they insist he tells them what's going on. And that's what he does. He says that he was remembering a "funny story". Then he asks MC if they want to know something absolutely embarrassing. With that kind of an opening, how could they refuse?

Baxter tells them that Jude and Scott attempted to speak to him about his and MC's... situation. He was surprised that they noticed he was sad and wanted to help him, when he was supposed to be doing that with their relationship. I think it was his feelings of inferiority that made him feel that way.

Moving on, the reason he brought that up wasn't to draw attention to how his poor relationship management skills made others concerned for him. But rather to point out, that the men knew, that MC is important to Baxter. Baxter states that he was grateful they met and despite ending their relationship five years ago, he was never sorry he knew MC. He is kinda chaotic with his admission, one second bringing up the chat with the grooms and the other expressing his affection for MC.

Understandably, it makes MC confused. They thought they were the one leading the dance - or the conversation in this case - but clearly now it's Baxter doing that (i mean he is a professional). Even so, he isn't as good with his words as usual and doesn't quite manage to convey what he wants to MC.

He thanks MC for letting him "ramble" for so long and stands up. Shit's getting real. We're about to enter the boss fight.

He moves to sit on the edge of the coffee table, which puts him at the eye level with MC, only closer than before. And then this silly man leans closer acting all calm and confident. Dude. Please. Everytime i play this moment i lose my precious ability to formulate thoughts, not to mention actual sentences. Because. Oh my god.

And then he hits you with THAT. He absolutely knew what MC was thinking about and he is having a lot of fun with teasing them. They realize that he caught on to what was going on and figure that at least it makes it easier to confess. The dialogue varies in this place because of the comfort level - these are their thoughts on the Direct setting. They also think about how hard would it be to tell him they liked him before he opened up to them. I find it pretty funny, because it’s clearly a tiny poke, towards players who did confess right after the wedding and faced this struggle. When you’re replaying those moments it does make you chuckle.

Now we can finally confess our feelings! When doing that verbally there are a couple of options to choose from, as in the case of the wedding confession. One of the options is: "Could I consider all the time we spent together a date?" and you already know i love this one. It's playful, it's a reference to when Baxter asked MC out five years ago, it's perfect. There is no contender, i always choose it.

...Is what i would say, but i actually always choose the option to confess with a kiss during this feelings reveal.

Confessing with a kiss looks a bit different from the first confession. This time there aren't multiple options to choose where we want to kiss him, MC goes straight (or is it?) for the lips. And the way that kiss is described is everything to me. I'm an absolute sucker for kissing scenes and this one is just so, so, so good! I cannot find fitting words in english (and neither can i in polish) so i'll just drop one screenshot from it and move along before i combust.

It's so tender and sweet and adorable please-

While Baxter was acting super confident and cocky, the second MC declares their love for him/moves to kiss him he turns into a shy, blushing mess. Despite knowing or at least suspecting what MC was about to do he is still caught of guard. I think that his reaction is absolutely adorable. Baxter doesn't blush a lot, so it's always a treat when he does.

We can choose to tell Baxter, that MC wanted to be with him even five years ago and this stuns him again.

Now that MC have confessed their love they're waiting for Baxter to respond. But GOD, is he struggling. It's the first time Baxter is so flustered and it makes me so giddy. He allows himself to show how much MC means to him and holy shit, this man cannot look at them for too long because he will just blush even harder.

From the way he is acting it's already clear that he reciprocates MC's feelings. But the fact that he gets so shy? Stole my heart, sir how dare you be so cute.

Of course, Baxter Ward cannot stay flustered for long and he eventually recovers. Damn it.

His response to the confession is so sweet. He basically says "my turn" and tells MC all the things he loves about being with them, how they made him feel and how much he appreciates them. There is still a moment of self-loathing, when Baxter regrets trying to keep MC out of his life- twice. He is surprised that MC still has feelings for him, still wants to be with him despite all the pain he caused them.

He still brings up all the potential reasons why this could be a bad idea. Limited connections, his current financial situation and his past ways of managing relationships. But unlike in the Wedding Confession, here those aren't statements for MC to refute. I'd say they are less of a warning for MC and more of an expose of himself, to be sure that he revealed everything he considers a flaw before accepting their confession. "By all accounts, I shouldn't be doing this. But I am." - those are his words. Even if he still has his doubts, he isn't going to turn MC down anymore. If he let them go now, in fear of potentially not being enough in this relationship, he would regret it.

And so that is his response: "If you'll have me you will have me." Don't mind if i do- yoink.

While he calmed down a bit for this admission, he gets flustered yet again. It's so adorable to see him be so affected by MC and this situation.

Baxter says that it was easier asking MC out himself all those years ago. He is still so out of it that he voices out loud that he has no idea what to do now. His usual grace and poise are still on leave it seems. He follows it up with that it would be the best if he switched from sitting on the coffee table to somewhere with a backrest, just in case. Dude. Baxter is so strongly impacted by this confession that he is fully aware that there is a possiblity that he will just topple down. I'm melting, it's so cute!

He moves to the couch and MC joins him over there. Once Baxter calms down a bit, he says he is starting to "remember some possiblities" and the two kiss again. I can't even begin describe how much i love the way the kissing moments are written. They're amazing and i'm losing my mind.

The last question Baxter has is if his feelings were obvious to MC. He recounts when Jude asked him point-blank if he was still 'into' MC - we get a couple of dialogue answers to pick, either reacting to Jude even asking about it or answering Baxter's question.

And that is the end of this confession! Baxter overcomes his sheepishness at last, no longer blushing intensely. Quite a shame, but i think we all love his usual charming self as well.

There are no more reservations about showing his true feelings. The pair has been reunited after five years and are finally ready to start a long-term relationship. Good for them <3

Baxter shares one last thought at the end of this long conversation:

And yes, this is the other reason why i call this confession the Morning Confession specifically! It's entirely because of Baxter pointing it out. And because he is so surprised about this turn of events.

The second part is finally over! I worked on it during those two weeks (holy fuck, why) it took me to post it. I'm a bit bummed it took me this long to finish it, but i did my best <3

This part is definitely longer than the first, the brainrot got to me. I haven't started the third part yet but i already replayed the last confession scene and honestly? I forgot how good it was compared to the other two! Shame on me, truly.

See you in the third part! Peace out~

Part 1

[sasheneskywalker]

batfamily fic recs where the main character is transgender or non-binary

Laying My Heart Out by rotasha Bruce doesn’t have friends. Until he has Oliver.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Oliver Queen & Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne

if you get lost (you can always be found) by corvidspectre Originally, it was easy to believe it was just over-eager adoration for one Dick Grayson. It was too easy to believe in fact; how could he have known there was any alternative? Dick Grayson was amazing, all that he wanted to be. The way he flew through the air, his effortless smiles and energy, what young child wouldn't want to be him? He was just idolising him, and he was a perfectly fine role model for a young girl to have. Maybe it was just a blossoming interest in gymnastics.

It took Tim a while to realise he didn't just want to be like Dick Grayson.

He wanted to be a boy. No, he was a boy. He was sure of it.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Past Tim Drake/Stephanie Brown

by any other name would smell as sweet by misspickman A dare and a couple of offhand comments set off a domino effect, sending Tim down one or two identity crises. Apparently everyone thinks it's time for him to do some self-reflection.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Batfamily Members & Tim Drake, Bart Allen & Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Cassie Sandsmark

A hold on me by Anonymous Damian starts thinking about self-identity. Things both are and aren’t difficult. Growing up is hard, you know.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | No Relationships

always an angel (never a god) by maruyaaya When Jason Todd is twelve, people begin calling him the ‘Boy Wonder’ and while Jason is, of course, extremely pleased to have taken up such an important mantle, it also feels wrong in a way that he can’t quite put his finger on.

“Look at me! I’m Robin, the Boy Wonder!” Jason cheers the first time he has the Robin suit on, Dick Grayson’s old nickname coming out of his mouth with a sickly sort of feeling to it.

But then Bruce smiles at him like he’s finally done something worth being proud of and Jason feels like he can ignore the way his skin is crawling if it means Bruce will smile at him like that again.

He can change, can’t he? He can be the Boy Wonder that Bruce wants him to be. He can do it. He can be whatever Bruce wants him to be. It doesn’t matter what she wants.

or;

a canon compliant fic following the life of jason todd from birth to death to re-birth and their struggles with discovering who—and what—they are.

M | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Roy Harper/Jason Todd

Spoiler Alert: It Gets Better. by carolinaa Red Hood's been running Robin's Nest, a secret youth shelter in Gotham, since he came out of his murdery craze. He wants it to be a place to stay, no questions asked, with a hot meal provided if you stick around for breakfast. The kids of Gotham deserve that much.

Enter Stephanie, whose new name isn't the only secret she's keeping.

(or: how steph outsmarts her dad, makes gay friends, and gets the guy)

T | Archive Warnings Apply | Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake

loot my body by carolinaa Jason comes back to life, and finds that everyone's mourning someone who never existed.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Talia al Ghul & Jason Todd, Roy Harper & Koriand'r & Jason Todd

These Twists and Turns of Fate by Hinn_Raven To be born is to exist, but to live is something else entirely. Stephanie Brown falls apart, and pulls herself back together. OR Stephanie Brown is assigned a different name and gender at birth. These are the changes that result.

G | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake, Harper Row/Carrie Kelley, Stephanie Brown & Harper Row, Stephanie Brown & Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown & Crystal Brown, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake

Prince of Gotham by snackbaskets Gotham wasn't kind to its girls. Jason would brutalize it until it agreed to be. He only hoped it would spare him long enough to make it so.

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply | Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Talia al Ghul & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Gotham, Catherine Todd & Jason Todd

[anghraine]

I caught up with my re-watch of the second episode of Rings of Power! The episodes are long and have a lot going on, but it was fun and enjoyable—more than the first, actually, since it wasn't trying as hard to introduce everything and could breathe more.

I really liked the beginning with Galadriel in the sea, staring up at the stars before she starts swimming. Very apropos.

I thought Nori et al's stuff would be kind of tedious (I've never been super into hobbits or proto-hobbits), but tbh I find everything about it delightful to watch.

Arondir and Bronwyn are maybe the prettiest onscreen pairing I've ever witnessed. Their little theme/motif is also really nice and not overwrought the way the music sometimes got in the first episode. It suits my sense of their story being a bit like marginalia that doesn't exactly fit into the grand sweeping main narrative of Middle-earth, but is getting some spotlight anyway.

And now we've got Celebrimbor for real, with warning bells all over him! (Not literally.) I appreciate that almost the first thing he does is mention Fëanor, and he and Elrond immediately dive into a conversation about the Silmarils and craftsmanship, and Elrond seems deeply ambivalent off the bat. Him saying "So much beauty, and so much pain" about them/Fëanor's craftsmanship while wearing a feathery outfit that is hard not to associate with Elwing is ... yeah. You'd know, Elrond.

Celebrimbor's slightly snarky explanation that he asked for a massive team to build his tower forge thing and Gil-galad "has sent me you, instead" kind of worked for me? Robert Aramayo doesn't look anything like my idea of Elrond but I love his difficult-to-pin-down yet determinedly pleasant performance of Elrond's emotions and mannerisms. I also like Celebrimbor's robes.

And, oh man, seeing Khazad-dûm in its heyday? HELL, YEAH. The music is doing some of the lifting but mostly it's just fucking awesome to see. The show is clearly lingering on it with a lot of love and attention, which it's really nice to see the dwarves getting.

I liked getting references to Aulë from the dwarves (no, it's not what dwarves would ordinarily call him, but it's a reasonable concession to comprehensibility for people who aren't, well, us). During the whole challenge thing, Elrond is referred to as an Elf over and over and over, which I'm kind of :\ about as a firm proponent of Half-Elves Are Not Men or Elves, No Matter What Ultimate Fate They Chose. Elrond seems pretty uncomfortable with it (though that may be more about his relationship with Durin), but also does more or less accept it as a descriptor.

Nori was still trying to figure out the Stranger, which somehow is not boring, and meanwhile her father's ankle breaks or sprains or something as part of festival preparations. The Harfoots collectively treat this as a huge deal and are asking if he'll be able to migrate, which is not exactly framed as super ominous, but definitely seems significant and at least somewhat ominous. Nori is clearly pretty freaked out.

The first part of the episode is sadly a bit sparse on my girl Galadriel (though she got so much attention in the first episode that it's understandable), but we got back to her, still swimming. It'd be a bit unbelievably impressive from other people, but I can believe it for her. She sees the raft of survivors before we do, which I liked as a little detail.

The raft is really spiky, appropriately enough for a raft with Sauron on it. It's kind of hilarious that almost his first line is "Looks can be deceiving." No shit, lmao.

The survivors+"Halbrand" and Galadriel have this brief and slightly weird interchange about Corsairs, which strikes me as an odd reference both geographically and in the time period we're in.

Then there's a SEA WYRM that shows up out of basically nowhere and causes havoc resulting in the deaths of everyone except Sauron Halbrand and Galadriel. A coincidence, I'm sure.

Then we cut back to Elrond and Durin, and finally find out why Durin is so mad at Elrond. It turns out that Elrond basically ignored his existence for 20 years while he was doing ... things, and Elrond didn't even realize it'd been so much time because a couple decades is nbd to him. Angst and other difficulties around different lifespans = one of my most favorite fantasy tropes, so I'm onboard for this particular drama.

It's a little surprising that Elrond of all people would make this mistake, but then again, Elros himself lived so long that 20 years would have been a tiny fraction of his own lifetime, too. (Now I want lifespan angst or anxiety or something with Elros being the one who's "welp, it's really been that long?")

Anyway, I enjoyed how serious and fraught the whole discussion is and then the cut to comedy when Elrond arrives to apologize to Durin's wife, Disa. IDK, I didn't feel it was undercutting Durin as a character or his feelings, even while poking a bit of fun at his sulkiness—e.g., when Disa enthusiastically tells Elrond to make himself comfortable, and Durin is like, "But not too comfortable."

I love Disa's appearance, by and large. The patterning on her outfit is so cool and different. She's generally a delightful character, and I appreciate that while there's an element of calculation to what Elrond is doing, he seems genuinely interested in her and her work. The narrative itself feels really interested in the dwarves and their culture at this point, and I just enjoyed that a lot.

Meanwhile, back to Galadriel and Halbrand/Sauron. It's still really funny to me that there was so much indignation over Eminem Sauron being insufficiently hot, and then actual Sauron turned out to be this currently bedraggled but very conventionally attractive guy.

I like his little head tilt as he's ostensibly figuring out what's going on and his little "You're a deserter, aren't you?" As if he doesn't know who Galadriel is, hah.

When he says "My people have no king," it feels like a pretty blatant call-back to Boromir in Jackson's FOTR, but of course it's inverted, ultimately. Halbrand is a shadow Aragorn, not a shadow Boromir, and is himself (supposedly) the king he's rejecting. I'm not going to go on too much about it because I have a whole post about it here.

Anyway, Galadriel condescending to Sauron is kind of delightful. Sure, she's mistaken in assuming he's mortal. But everyone should condescend to Sauron, actually!

Back to Bronwyn, who is a bit more interesting in this episode, she actually makes it home and tries to convince her village that something is very wrong, but no one believes her. They seem kind of ridiculously stupid, tbh? Maybe not ridiculously—I can believe they would actually respond that way (I lived in the shadow of Mt St Helens for years, I know very well that historically sometimes that's the response to clear warnings of disaster). But come on, people.

Then there's Arondir in the horrifying claustrophobic tunnels with the glimpses of horrific claws. It is very successfully claustrophobic, especially when MICE start running all over him as they're trying to escape. Agh, the special hell. Then he emerges in a pool of water, only the water is super gross also, and he's focusing on the bubbles of something pursuing him only to get grabbed by a different claw monster.

We don't see him again for the entire rest of the episode and that's alarming!

I was taking little notes while I was watching, but at this point that got interrupted and I ended up watching the rest of the episode with other people and didn't take notes. But general thoughts:

Durin's final change of heart wrt Elrond and decision to take Elrond's offer to his father was a bit oddly offscreen, and it's kind of needlessly mysterious about what advantage the dwarves have over the Elves, but the show has already given us enough through both exposition and the behavior of the characters that it's not hard to buy.

Sauron saving Galadriel with Finrod's dagger is like. Hmm. Well. Yeah, that's a lot. I really like the scene of their raft in the storm—not much actually happens apart from it looking cool, but it did look really cool! And I love the imagery of Sauron desperately trying not to be drowned by the wrath of the sea, aka what will actually happen to him! :)))

I love how mysterious the Stranger is and basically everything that Nori and Poppy choose to be. Things like Poppy's "I don't speak firefly!" just work much better for my personal sense of humor than ... like, dwarf-tossing.

Theo's whole deal with the sword is ... menacing in a way where we know enough to know something is Very Wrong and related to Sauron, but not really what's going on with it. And the thing Bronwyn and Theo fought and killed was super freaky. I liked the abrupt cut to Bronwyn showing the decapitated head to the stupid villagers and them being like, "hmm. okay, guess we're moving now."

Aaaand Galadriel and "Halbrand" have been discovered!